Written
By: Alex
With
all the emphasis on sex in our culture, sometimes foreplay can
be underestimated. One option for foreplay I haven't heard mentioned
is massage. When I first started giving massages, I was mostly
fumbling around, not sure of how to proceed. For me, massage was
mostly learned. Here are a few (hopefully helpful) tips to guide
your journey into massage.
Attitude
I've found massage to be FAR better and more satisfying (to give
or to receive) if the masseuse truly enjoys giving the massage.
I approach it like a scientist, trying to figure out what your
partner likes and dislikes. Experiment. Have fun. Even if you
give a massage as foreplay, try not to think of it as foreplay
. . . a massage is something to be enjoyed for it?s own sake.
Sensitivity
People are FAR more sensitive when they're receptive to the gesture
and when they're not expecting it. This has two applications .
. . first, WHEN you give a massage is very important. Begin the
massage when both of you would like it. A good time for a massage
is immediately after dealing with a stressful issue. Stress knots
up the muscles, a physical tightness which persists after the
immediate worry has passed. Also, after dealing with the issue,
your partner will hopefully be in a receptive mood, perfect for
a firm massage.
Second,
sensitivity plays a very important part during the massage itself.
Vary your techniques so your partner doesn?t expect the next part,
surprise is great for increasing sensitivity. Contrast increases
sensitivity too. A light, wandering touch is best following a
firm, deep rub. Likewise, a firm technique is great immediately
following a light touch. Fingernails are great on sensitized skin,
but don?t use them exclusively. Talk to your partner, a well-timed
and honest compliment can do wonders for their sensitivity. Also,
let them know you enjoy giving the massage, it will help them
relax to know you?re not just doing it for them.
Location
Muscles
tend to knot up at different locations for different people, as
you give more massages to the same person, you will learn these
locations. Make sure to massage where it's needed. Also, even
though backrubs are obvious, don't forget the rest of the body!
I've had great results with the back of the neck, scalp, hands
and feet as well.
Not
all parts of the body are good for both firm and light massages.
I'd advise against using a firm massage on the face, front of
the neck, or belly. If you massage a part of the body, be careful
to not exclude an area of it. For example, on my first few foot
rubs, I completely neglected the Achilles tendon, which can get
quite sore.
Technique
Here
are a few techniques that work well for me, but above all be responsive
to your partner's needs and wants. I've found it's a good idea
to follow the natural contours of the body. For example, in the
middle of the back, I move vertically on either side of the spine.
On the face, I work in circles, following the curve of the jawbone
and cheekbone.
Here
are a few tips for each specific part of the body:
Back
One
good technique for switching between firm and soft massage is
to firmly grab the shoulders (one in each hand), then press downward
while dragging your fingers down your partner's back. Be careful
not to let up the pressure at the small of the back, it?s very
easy to accidentally do, and the small of the back is a very satisfying
place to massage. You can also reverse this, starting at the small
of the back and pressing firmly, dragging your hands up the back,
up the back of the neck, and moving into a scalp massage. Another
good one is to make fists, put them at the small of the back at
about the kidneys, then lean hard on your hands and rotate them.
I've found this can help with period-related cramps. Also, you
can take your index fingers, press them on either side of the
spine and shift your weight to the fingers. Slide your fingers
back and forth as far as your partner's skin will allow (don't
stretch it!), then let up the pressure briefly, slide your fingers
an inch or so, then repeat, slowly w
orking all the way up or down the back.
Shoulders/neck
The
classic. All the muscle is on the back of the shoulders, not the
front, so be careful not to pinch the nerves around the collarbone.
A good technique I use for the shoulders is to press inward with
my thumbs, then pull the shoulder muscle back with my fingers.
Because the fingertips aren?t pressing in, this technique has
very low risk of pinching nerves, and it?s quite good at loosening
muscles. For a softer touch, I typically run my fingertips from
the top of the shoulder up the neck. Shoulder rubs naturally progress
well to a neck rub, particularly because there?s a large muscle
connecting the side of the neck to the shoulder. Very easy to
massage, and it makes a good bridge to transition to a neck rub.
Running the fingers along the neck in any direction is good, particularly
if you have long nails (although don?t use nails exclusively either!).
Be careful about using a firm touch on the neck, but I?ve had
good results with grabbing the back of the neck in one hand, gripping
the muscle, and gen
tly but firmly pulling the muscle back.
Scalp
Scalp
massages are great, but beware of pulling hair. Light touches
with or without fingernails are good, but so are gentle but firm
touches. If you use a firm touch, make sure the force is going
into the skull, not along the skin. Circles work very naturally
on the scalp, I prefer to spread my fingers apart and rub in small
circles with all my fingers. There are two small protrusions of
bone in the skull just behind each earlobe . . . I?ve found that
firm circles around these can help headaches, as well as a firm
but gentle circle in each temple. From the scalp, it?s an easy
step to move to caressing the face.
Face
The
only places I?ve used a firm touch on the face are behind the
ears, the forehead, and the temples. Other than that, a light
touch seems to work the best. My face rubs seem to work best when
I work along a path. Starting from the chin, I move straight up
to the cheekbone, then back to the ear. (I may work over the ear,
or behind it, or just in front of it. Playing with the earlobe
is fun.) From there I work downward to the jawbone, and forward
again to the chin . . . or I follow that path in reverse. Don?t
hold exactly to this path every time, though, vary it by playing
with the ear a bit on one cycle, or run your fingers over your
partner?s lips (very sensitive!). If your partner isn?t as vocal
as you?d like, you may want to gently move your fingers down vertically
over the lips, the friction gently pulls the lips apart, and little
noises of pleasure have been known to escape. :P
A
great technique is to use one hand on each side of the face, working
the cycle a bit offset, or even one hand on the face, one hand
on the opposite side of the neck. When you?re using both hands,
the most important thing is to keep them both moving constantly.
A nicely overwhelming tactic is to throw your cheek into the mix
. . . rubbing your cheek against your partner?s, with one hand
on their neck and the other hand on their opposite cheek! It?s
difficult to keep everything moving simultaneously and independently,
but well worth the results. It's also worked well to slide one
hand to the back or the back of the neck.
Stomach
A gentle
touch is good for the stomach. I tend to work vertically drifting
up and down with my fingertips or palm. If your partner arches
their back to meet your hand, you can slip the other to the small
of their back. A nice contrast of soft touch on the belly and
firm touch on the back can yield good results. I prefer to use
the stomach in combination with other techniques, not very much
on it's own.
Arms/Legs
For the arms and legs, I typically place both hands next to each
other on the muscle and pull outward, similar to the neck. The
leg isn?t very highly sensitive, so I don?t work much with a light
touch on the legs. The arms, however, are reasonably sensitive,
particularly in the hollow of the elbow. Again, fingernails are
great for a light touch, but soft fingertips are excellent as
well. A good combination is using fingernails to increase sensitivity,
then switch to a light touch.
Hands/Feet
The
hands and feet are perfect for rubbing, they are naturally quite
sensitive and often abused by daily exposure. I prefer to use
a firmer touch on hands and feet, pressing with my thumb and traveling
from heel to digits and back. It?s easy to neglect the inside
of the wrist and Achilles tendon, each of which often need attention.
Likewise, the fingers and toes usually like extra attention, as
well as the space between the toes. Gently pulling on the fingers
and toes can crack them, if your partner enjoys cracking their
joints this can be appreciated. The heel of the foot takes a great
deal of stress during the day, but can be hard to rub. A good
way to relax the heel is to grab it and squeeze. While squeezing,
gently pull and twist your hand in a circle. This has yielded
good results for me. For hand and foot rubs, pay special attention
to where your attentions are needed the most, depending on what
sort of activities your partner has been doing lately. Writing
stresses the area between the thumb
and index finger, typing stresses the entire upper palm, walking
a great deal stresses the upper section of the arch of the foot.
If your partner has been doing a great deal of any of these, extra
attention in the appropriate places will most likely be appreciated.
Surprises
Like
I said, unpredictability is a great addition. Throw in random
kisses on body parts you?re massaging, but not too many. If your
partner enjoys being kissed in a particular place, massage it
for a bit to sensitize it, then kiss it for a bit. While you kiss
it, gently rub another part of their body. Use your imagination
and your knowledge of your partner for best results. Add a personal
touch when it?s not expected. Talk to them. Listen to them, if
they speak any words or even little noises. Respond to them.
Products
Designed To Make Massage Easier
There are several products on the market that are designed to
make massge easier on both the giver and the reciever, below are
a few that we have tried:
Chocolate
Kiss Massage Oil: Feel free to indulge with this chocolate
massage oil that is designed to smell like chocolate but contains
none of the calories!
Cleopatra's
Erotic Oil - Sensual Aromatherapy: This smooth
and pleasant smelling oil allows your hands naturally over your
partners body, while creating a pleasant aroma that is sure to
relax.
Karma
Surta Massage Oil: We saved the cream of the crop to last.
If you aren't keen on using oil based massage oils, then we suggest
you try this light and delicious cream instead. The results are
sure to delight.
Good
luck with your ventures into the world of massage!
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