(According
to Our Sex Partners)
Written By: C. Michael Smith
What mistakes are YOU making in the bedroom that
could be keeping you from reaching the level of superlover?
Do you ask for constructive criticism from your partner?
Do you give it?
Unfortunately, not many of us do. While feedback in the
bedroom is very important, sometimes when it comes to constructive
criticism, we hold back for fear of crushing our partner’s
delicate ego. Since we don’t often get this kind of
information from our partners, I have collected the constructive
criticism for you.
I gathered this information from research and also from
surveys and discussions that I have conducted. This list
is by no means all-inclusive, but it reflects the most common
mistakes presented, both through my research and through
the surveys and discussions. See if you may be making some
of the same mistakes. And remember that everyone is different.
These mistakes are listed here because they are the most
common ones that were mentioned, but keep in mind that your
partner may not necessarily consider every one of them a
mistake. Your best bet is to read through these lists together
and have a frank discussion about them.
Why there are considerably more mistakes listed for men
than for women remains an unsolved mystery. While I received
far more responses from women than from men on my surveys,
I also found it interesting that most of the mistakes I
found during my research were also aimed towards men rather
than women. Could it be that men are so simplistic in our
needs that we don’t have bad sex often? Could it be
that men are so happy to be having sex that not much can
go wrong from our point of view? Or could it just be that
boys are dumb and girls are good, like my girlfriend teasingly
told me? In any case, I’m reminded of the over-simplistic,
yet hilarious joke about how to truly please a man - just
show up naked and bring beer.
All kidding aside, I believe you are most likely visiting
this website because you want to learn to be a better lover.
One way we can take a step closer to being a better lover
is to examine the mistakes that we, and others like us,
make in the bedroom. By doing this one simple task, we can
make note of the most common mistakes people are making
and be sure to avoid doing the same thing ourselves in the
future. This puts us one step closer to our goal. Wouldn't
you agree?
The
Most Common Mistakes Men Make In Bed
(According To Women)
Settling For Mediocrity/Not Making An Effort:
“Is your relationship in neutral? Many men have
the impression that as long as they are not yelling at their
wives, beating them, cheating on them, or leaving huge messes
around the house, they must be good husbands. All that means
is that they aren’t bad husbands. They are probably
just average husbands. Instead of not just yelling at their
wives, husbands should make an effort to say lots of wonderful
things to their wives. Instead of not just beating his wife,
a husband should make certain he often lovingly touches
her: stroking her hair, lightly kissing her neck, gently
massaging her shoulders, kindly rubbing her feet, and giving
her light kisses on her cheek, nose, ears, forehead, and
of course, lips. A man should only not cheat on his wife,
he should passionately seduce her. Not being a total slob
isn’t bad, but helping your wife with the chores is
even better. Giving her a whole day or week off from her
usual chores and you doing them for her is best. Men should
never settle for being average. If your relationship has
been in neutral, it’s time for you to move into first
gear.” - The roMANtic's Guide by Michael Webb.
If
you find that you have fallen into the mediocrity trap,
then you probably shouldn’t be too surprised that your
sex life has suffered as a result. Here are some ways to
avoid mediocrity and rise to the top.
One
great way to avoid mediocrity and keep sex spicy hot is
to learn how to make love outside of the bedroom. No, I’m
not talking about making love on the kitchen counter or
dining room table. I’m talking about making love with
your woman in a non-sexual way. If she regularly prepares
supper, do you ever ask her if she needs help? If she is
the one that normally does the dishes, do you regularly
do them instead? Do you help her around the house? Do you
touch her in non-sexual ways? Do you ever kiss her outside
the bedroom? I promise you, the better you learn to make
love to her outside of the bedroom, the better she will
make love with you inside the bedroom. If she is resentful
for the things you do (or don’t do) outside the bedroom,
how can she give herself to you fully and excitedly in the
bedroom? Something to think about, don’t you think?
Do you ever touch her outside the bedroom? One of the biggest
mistakes you can make is to only touch you lady when you
want sex. She will pick up on this and likely start to resent
you for it. Instead, be sure to touch her often in a non-sexual
way. For instance, while she is cooking or brushing her
teeth in the mirror, go up behind her and give her a big
hug. Or, if she is working on the computer or reading a
book, go up behind her and give her a small kiss on the
neck or a backrub. Pay attention. There are many opportunities
throughout your day together to do this for her. She will
feel appreciated and she will love you for it.
Do you ever kiss her - REALLY kiss her? I say anything
under 10 seconds doesn't even qualify as a kiss. Sure, there
will be times when you have to dash off to the store before
it closes and a peck will have to do, but try to make those
times the exception rather than the rule.
Do you spend time together? Make a conscious effort
to make quality time for your partner every day - even if
it’s ten minutes of snuggling before going to sleep.
Most women need to make a connection everyday. Take a walk
together after dinner. Have a laugh at the supermarket.
Clean or wash the car together. Have fun doing whatever
you do together. Take a class. Join a club. Support a candidate.
Plan a getaway. Tickle. Be Goofy. Just make sure you spend
quality time with your lady - everyday. She will love you
for it.
Create rituals that involve sharing time. No matter how
busy you are, make the time. Have one night a week set aside
to watch videos in bed. Go for a special brunch every Sunday.
Read the Sunday paper together in bed. Make her breakfast
every Saturday morning. You get the idea. Rituals are an
important part of a relationship. They provide fun, anticipation,
security, and mostly intimacy.
Do you talk to her? Do you listen to her - REALLY
listen? Ask her about her day and then listen to her. Don't
try to solve all of her problems. Just sympathize with her,
tell her you love her, and let her know that you are her
biggest fan.
Do you compliment her? Do you build her up and brag
on her in front of others?
Do you help her out with chores, the kids, and housework?
Does she feel overburdened?
When is the last time you called her just to say, "I
love you"?
When is the last time the two of you went somewhere romantic?
Take her away for the weekend. Don't expect sex. Don't ask
for it. Just work on rediscovering what it was about each
other that made you fall in love in the first place. The
sex will likely follow.
“My
wife appreciates thoughts centered around love much more
than those centered around sex. If you show how much you
love her, the sex will follow. Kind of like, "If you
build it, they will come".” Brian, 35.
Not
Shaving:
If you have a rough beard, mustache, or goatee, it can
really hurt your lady when you kiss her, suck her breasts,
or give her oral sex. You can test the roughness of your
facial hair by rubbing the inside of your wrist or the back
of your hand against your mustache, beard, or goatee. If
it’s rough against the back of your hand, just think
about how it must feel to her soft, delicate tissue. A close
shave or using hair conditioner on your beard should take
care of this problem.
Poor
Personal Hygiene:
Some ladies have complained that a few guys need more
help with their personal hygiene. Make sure you brush your
teeth, use deodorant, and cut your toenails, they say. Some
ladies really like nice cologne, too. While our natural
body scent contains pheromones, nobody wants to be with
someone that lets their natural scent get out of control.
Bragging
About How Good He Is In Bed:
“Another big mistake for a guy to do is brag about
how good he is in bed. I had a guy do that to me one evening.
I asked him how good he was at masturbation. He said he
was great at masturbation. I told him I was glad to hear
that, because that’s what he would be doing tonight.
Then I got up and left.” If you are good in bed,
guys, she will find out soon enough. Bragging about it is
not only unnecessary, it can turn her off. Being confident
is great. Being braggadocios is not.
Not
Giving Clear Insight Into Their Sexual Desires And Needs:
Oftentimes, men aren’t the best communicators inside
the bedroom - or outside of the bedroom, for that matter.
Many women would like to know about our sexual needs and
desires. Learn to open up and communicate better and you
may take your lovemaking to a whole new level.
No
(Or Not Enough) Kissing and Foreplay Before The Main Event:
One lady commented, “Is this a race? An 8 second
rodeo? Slow down, Cowboys!” Another complained,
“He thinks foreplay is each of us taking our clothes
off and lying down.” Foreplay isn’t optional.
It isn’t a luxury to indulge in only when you have
enough time - especially when you plan to engage in intercourse.
The woman needs time for her vagina to prepare itself for
penetration. Give her the time to prepare, and she will
enjoy the experience on a higher level - and so will you.
Instead of diving right for her crotch, spend some time
kissing her, touching her, and talking to her. This will
help build anticipation and desire. Besides, studies have
shown that after 21 minutes or longer of foreplay, 92.3%
of women will orgasm at some point during your lovemaking
session. Not enough foreplay makes it seem like you don’t
care about pleasing her and only care about your own pleasure.
If your lady knows that you will take great care of her
during your lovemaking, she is more likely to want to engage
in it more often. That makes sense, doesn’t it?
Too
Much Tongue:
“Don’t force it. I like tongue, but not
down my throat.” I’ve read this complaint
from a lot of different sources. It seems that it’s
a pretty common one. Don’t force your tongue down her
throat like you are trying to unclog a drainpipe. That’s
just not romantic. Try being soft, slow, and gentle. Try
holding her face in your hands while you kiss her. Try stroking
her hair or her cheek.
Giving
Hickeys:
While a lot of women really like to have their necks
gently suckled, no woman wants to have to wear turtle neck
sweaters for a few weeks to hide a hickey that you gave
her. If you are going to give hickeys, do so on the areas
where clothing will definitely cover them up, and with her
permission only.
Ignoring
The Other Parts Of Her Body:
A woman has more parts to her body than just her two
breasts and her vagina. There are many other areas of her
body. Some have been touched less than a leprous nun in
solitary confinement due to the fact that a lot of men just
go right for the breasts and the vagina and forget about
everything else. Spend some time touching her and getting
to know her body without touching her breasts or vagina
for awhile. She will appreciate the attention and will know
that you are a man who truly knows how to please a woman.
Keep
Your Hands Moving “Touch me. Don't rest your
hands as if you are tired or something. Move them over my
skin all the time.” Ladies don’t want you
to appear bored. Keep your hands moving. Stimulate her in
as many ways as possible. If your hands need a rest, then
try holding her hands with yours. Many women really like
it when you hold their hand during lovemaking, as it can
help you connect better with her.
Zigzag
Technique: As surprising as it may seem at first, a
woman's skin is her largest sex organ. As a result, anywhere
that she has skin can become an erogenous zone, depending
on how you touch her.
Take your fingertips in a zigzag motion and run them all
over her body. The reason that a zigzag motion works better
than a straight line is because with the straight line,
the little nerves of her skin in the path of your straight
line "know" they are going to be touched. With
a zigzag motion, the little nerves "hope" they
will be touched. This produces a different, more pleasant
effect. Try it on your own arm and feel the difference.
Massaging
Her Too Roughly:
Women oftentimes think that a man’s touch is too rough.
You have the right idea if you are giving her a massage
as a part of foreplay, but you can ruin an all-good thing
by being too rough with her. Be gentle unless you have her
permission to be rougher.
Undressing
To Early:
Undressing too early is not the best move. This can signal
your lady that you expect sex. Even if you do think the
evening will turn sexual, it may be best to wait until things
get a little hot and heavy and she starts to peel your shirt
or pants off, first.
Taking
Your Pants Off First:
I have read from many different sources that women
believe a man in only his socks and underwear is a man at
his worst. Be sure to take your socks off before your pants
so your lady never has to see you in a less than flattering
light.
Nudging Her Head Down For Oral Sex:
Not a good plan. If you want oral sex from her, it’s
best to ask her. Don’t nudge her head toward your penis.
Many women said they don’t like this.
Using
Your Hand To Move Her Head Up And Down While She Gives You
Oral Sex:
This was by far the most common response that I received
from my surveys. Apparently, women HATE this. You
can rub your fingers through her hair, stroke her cheek,
or rub her back, but NEVER, EVER force her head onto
your penis with your hand.
Thrusting
While She Gives You Oral Sex:
Many women don’t like it when you thrust while they
are giving you oral sex. They said they prefer you lie still
while they move their head up and down. They can better
control the depth and speed that way. Some women may not
mind it, though. Your best bet is to ask your lady and see
what she says.
Not
Warning Her When You Are About To Cum While She Gives You
Oral Sex:
This was another very popular response from the women
who took my survey. Not every woman likes the taste of semen.
Be sure to warn her when you are about to orgasm so she
can choose what she would like to do with it. Many women
commented that if a man doesn’t warn her first, he
would never get more oral sex from her again.
No
Kissing After Oral Sex:
“It really bugs me that he won’t kiss me
after I give him a blow job.” That’s a great
way to make sure you never get oral sex again, guys. If
she is going to be so kind and loving to give you oral sex,
the least you can do is not make her feel like a leper afterwards.
Give her a big kiss and let her know how much you love her
and appreciate the pleasure that she gives you.
Not
Offering To Return Sexual Favors:
This was another pretty common survey response. It seems
that some men expect to receive oral sex from their women,
but don’t want to return the favor. Another interesting
note is that I remember most of these guys as being past
partners - not current ones. Hmmmm…I wonder why!?
Poor Manual Dexterity:
Fumbling when trying to remove her bra or panties just doesn’t
cut it.
Unfastening
a Bra Tip: I have to get something off my chest and
keep you abreast of the situation. If you are like a lot
of guys when it comes to bras, and you are more likely to
bust a finger than finger a bust when it comes to removing
one of these boobytraps, then this tip is for you. First,
some basic bra knowledge. Most bras fasten in the back,
although some fasten in the front, between the cups. Next,
know what you are dealing with. Borrow one of your lady’s
bras and examine the mechanics of the fasteners. Practice
fastening it and unfastening it. Wait until you are alone
and sit down on the edge of your bed or in a chair with
your thighs exposed. Now, wrap the bra around your thigh
or thighs and fasten it with the hooks facing up. Now practice
fastening and unfastening it again. When you get the hang
of it, turn it on your leg so the hooks are face down and
you have to do it without being able to see what you are
doing. Now, you are ready for the next time you see your
lady and it comes time to remove her bra. Be sure to use
two hands. Don’t try to impress her with any one-hand
tricks, unless you are very well practiced. Wrap you arms
around her in a hug-like fashion. Grab each side of the
bra clasps, one side with each hand. Fold the two sides
together, pushing on one side and pulling on the other.
It should come right open. Now remove the bra. Your lady
will be far more impressed with a smooth removal than if
you try to yank it off or whip it away.
As
for her panties, John Gray does an incredible job of describing
how to best remove a woman’s panties in his book, ‘Mars
and Venus in the Bedroom’:
“A
man should begin to touch between her legs only when he
thinks she is ready. Sometimes it is good to first touch
around the lining of the panties and gradually explore her
vulva. It is very exciting for her if he doesn't just suddenly
pull down her panties. Instead, he may start to pull them
down and then pull them back up a little higher. Instead
of taking them off, he can begin touching her on the inside
edge of her panties across the back, then the front, then
along the edge down the front. Then he can put his fingers
inside the edge between her legs. Once he has checked with
a gentle, probing finger that she is moist, he can take
off her panties. Or, instead of immediately pulling them
off, he can once again delay pulling them down to convey
the message that he is in control of his passions. Even
if his passion is mounting, he can take a long time. This
restraint and control allow her to feel freer to release
her inhibitions and let go of control. Instead of taking
off her panties, he can reach around her buttocks and expose
her bare bottom. He can begin to touch and stroke her buttocks
and her inner thigh from behind. Eventually, he can take
off her panties and begin stroking her inner thighs and
circling her whole vulva.” -Mars and Venus in the
Bedroom
Squeezing Her Breasts:
Most men squeeze a woman’s breasts like they squeeze
the Charmin. A lot of women get tired of that. Stroke her
breasts. Kiss them. Lick them. Caress them. Don’t just
squeeze them really hard. Spend some time with her breasts.
The average guy spends only 2-3 minutes per breast during
a whole sexual encounter! Don’t you think your partner
deserves more? Do you want to be like every other guy or
do you want to stand out from the mediocre masses?
Some
women aren’t interested in breast stimulation at all.
While over 90% of women report that their partners stimulate
their breasts either manually or orally during sexual activity,
only 50% reported that they actually enjoy breast stimulation.
The rest tolerate it because either their partner likes
it or because their partner doesn’t realize that the
women don’t enjoy it. Why not ask your lady what she
prefers.
Biting And Twiddling Her Nipples:
Don’t clamp down on her nipples like you are going
to bite them off. Nipples are sensitive. There will be some
women who will really like that, but the majority of women
will prefer you to be a little more gentle with their nipples.
Again, your best bet is to ask. Also, stop rolling her nipples
between your thumb and forefinger all the time, like you
are trying to turn a radio dial to tune in a faint radio
station. A little bit of that may be ok sometimes, but go
for variety. The more techniques you have in your repertoire,
the better. And be sure to focus in on the entire breasts,
not just the nipples. Besides, some experts claim that the
nipple isn’t the most sensitive part of the breast,
anyway. They suggest that the upper part of the breast from
the 9:00 to the 3:00 position may be even more sensitive.
See if this holds true for your lady. Also, don’t forget
about the sides of the breast and the undersides.
Begging!
“He wanted me to do things I was NOT comfortable with,
and after telling him a firm NO, he would start begging!”
Guys, it’s ok to ask your lady to do something
that may be a little kinky or out of the ordinary, but don’t
keep begging her if she says no. Nagging her about it will
only make matters worse. Besides, are you in this just for
your own selfish pleasure, or is this supposed to be a physical
expression of the love that you share with her? That’s
something to think about. If you really love her, quit trying
to make her do things she isn’t comfortable doing.
Too
Impatient:
“Start slow. Turn me on before you jump me.
As a matter of fact, make me BEG you before you jump me.”
This is a big one that a lot of guys need to learn. When
it comes to driving a car, most guys like to take the quickest,
most direct route to their destination. That’s great,
but when it comes to lovemaking, taking the most direct
route to your destination (orgasm) is the quickest route
to sexual dissatisfaction for your lady - and her dissatisfaction
leads to less frequent sex for you! After all, why would
she want to have sex with you very often if she already
knows it will be unfulfilling for her? Instead of taking
the quickest, most direct route to orgasm, learn to take
the scenic route. That’s the route that will have your
woman wanting to travel your sexual highway a lot more often.
Spend a lot of time on foreplay. Spend time kissing her,
touching her, and telling her why you love her. This is
the fuel your woman needs in order to get the most out of
your lovemaking. The more foreplay you give her, the more
turned on she will be and the more explosive her orgasms
will be. My advice, and the advice of the lady who gave
me the quote above, would be to get her so turned on that
she begs you to make love with her. Then you know she is
really ready for you and will enjoy the experience to the
fullest. It’s up to you. You can race to a mediocre
orgasm and have her rarely looking forward to sex with you,
or you can take your time working up to an incredible orgasm
and have her wanting you to work your expertise all the
time.
ATTACKING
THE CLITORIS. For many women, direct stimulation of
the clitoris can be uncomfortable and even painful, especially
early in the lovemaking. Some women may need you to wait
until they are really aroused before they’ll find direct
clitoral stimulation pleasurable. Some women can’t
stand direct clitoral stimulation at all - even after arousal.
They may need indirect stimulation. Your best bet is to
ask your lady what she needs when it comes to stimulating
her clitoris.
Not
realizing That Many Women Need Clitoral Stimulation To Orgasm:
Many women cannot orgasm through vaginal penetration
alone. If your lady is among these, it’s perfectly
normal. In fact, only around 30% of women can orgasm from
intercourse alone. The rest need clitoral stimulation in
order to orgasm. Here are some ways to incorporate clitoral
stimulation into intercourse:
She
can manually stimulate her clitoris during intercourse.
You can manually stimulate her clitoris during intercourse.
Get either a vibrating egg or a vibrating bullet. You can
purchase these at your local adult toy store or you can
order them online. Now, turn on the bullet (or egg). Start
with low speed, if you have a multi-speed model, and place
it right against her clitoris. Now, enter her vaginally
with your penis (use missionary position). Your body will
hold the bullet (or egg) in place on her clitoris while
you stroke in and out of her vagina. This way, she can receive
the clitoral stimulation that she may need in order to orgasm
during intercourse.
Read up on the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). It places
your body in a more advantageous position for clitoral stimulation.
Insert your penis into her vagina as far as it will go.
Don't move it in and out. Just grind your pelvis right up
against her clitoris and keep grinding. You may need to
lubricate her, first, as you want to pleasure her clitoris,
not irritate it.
If you have ever watched a porno, you will see that most
of the time, the two people involved only have physical
contact at one point of the bodies - the genitals. Try some
better coverage than that. Cover her like Deion Sanders
covers a wide receiver. Put your body flat against hers,
touching at as many points as possible without hurting her.
A lot of women will really love the extra coverage and I
promise you won’t get penalized for holding! It may
also allow for better contact with the clitoris.
Using a long, narrow, silky scarf, place it’s midpoint
behind your penis and testicles. Bring the ends around to
the front, just above the base of your penis and tie them
together firmly, but not painfully, in a large knot. The
larger the knot, the better. You may even want to tie several
knots to maximize the size of your knotted area. Be sure
to leave the free ends at least a foot long. During missionary-position
intercourse, your lady can grab the free ends of the scarf
with her hands and pull back and forth on them to stimulate
her clitoris with the knot.
When you are on top in the missionary position, instead
of having your legs inside of hers, try putting them outside
of hers. With her legs together, she will get more stimulation
than normal and you are more likely to make contact with
her clitoris as you thrust. You can still thrust the usual
way, but a circular motion like you are stirring a drink
with your penis really works well.
Another way to help provide clitoral stimulation during
intercourse is to gently hold her butt cheeks apart during
intercourse.
Use the “Clockwise, Counter Clockwise Technique”
during intercourse. Insert your penis fully into her vagina.
Now grind lustfully against each other. You grind in a clockwise
motion while she grinds in a counter clockwise motion. This
allows for terrific clitoral stimulation.
Not Listening or Paying Attention To Her Needs:
If she tells you to ease up a bit, or move a little to the
left, or says something else to help give you direction
and you don’t listen, then you not only aren’t
going to give her the most pleasure possible, you also may
frustrate her. Listen to her directions and follow them.
Being
Inconsiderate:
“He keeps lying his shoulders down on my face
so I can’t breathe. I told him a few times that I’m
suffocating, but he doesn’t seem to get the message.”
Again, guys, I’m going to have to ask you - are you
in this for your own selfish pleasure or do you really love
the lady you are with? You have to listen up. Pay attention
to your lady and her signals, both verbal and non-verbal.
Don’t zone out and only focus on your own pleasure.
If you want to only focus on yourself, then get off of your
lady and read up on some great masturbation techniques.
Inattention:
“He’s kind of clumsy and sometimes hurts me. When
I groan with pain, he mistakes it for a groan of pleasure.
The only time he ever noticed was when I screamed and almost
jumped off the bed.” Reading this one, I can’t
help but think this is the fault of both parties involved.
I believe if the lady is uncomfortable, she has a responsibility
to tell the guy in no uncertain terms that she is uncomfortable.
Groans of pain can be mistaken for groans of pleasure. On
the other hand, guys, you should be so tuned into your lady
that you should know what she is feeling. You should also
be talking to her. “Are you doing ok?”; “Are
you comfortable?”; “Do you need anything?”;
“How does that feel?”; “Are you enjoying
yourself?”
Taking
Direction Too Personally:
Several women mentioned that sometimes when they give us
direction in the bedroom, such as asking us to ease up a
bit, we take it too personally and get our feelings hurt
as if we weren’t doing a good job. “If I told
him I didn’t care for something he was doing to me
in the bedroom, he’d start to whine and get his feelings
hurt.” Don’t take direction personally, guys.
Pay attention to it so you can learn how to better please
your woman. Consider yourself lucky that you have a woman
who will give direction. Would you rather have your woman
say nothing, but secretly be uncomfortable with what you
are doing to her?
Too Mechanical:
“You can sometimes tell when a guy has studied something
to try to please a girl and he seems all mechanical and
stuff, trying to remember everything step by step. Not cool!
Go with the flow!” Learning new things to try in
the bedroom can be extremely fun. Many ladies love that
their men are always trying to keep things fresh by learning
new things to try out. I have a word of caution for you,
though. Women like the lovemaking to flow naturally. So,
having a dry erase board next to the bed with step by step
instructions for that new move you just read about is a
horrible idea. Your woman wants you focusing on her, not
on trying to remember some silly move. Don’t get me
wrong, new ideas are great. I completely enjoy learning
new things to try out in the bedroom. I'm just suggesting
you do your homework and learn the technique outside of
the bedroom so that when it comes time to try it out on
your lady, you can do so while completely focusing on her
and not on trying to remember the technique.
Being Distracted During Lovemaking:
One lady commented, “Keeping the television
on is very distracting. If it must be on, please switch
it to a music channel.” Another complained, “Never
say lets hurry up and get this over with, the game is about
to come on.” Your lady must feel that there is
nowhere else on Earth you would rather be and nothing else
you would rather be doing right now than making love with
her.
Signature
Moves:
“The biggest mistake my past lovers have made is to
assume that what worked on a previous lover (or lovers)
to help them achieve an orgasm is what must work for me,
too, even after I have tried to get through to them what
DOES work for me. I believe it is my responsibility to let
them know what does work for me, but it obviously doesn't
do any good if they are still going to insist on doing things
the way they "know" is best.” Many guys
have a signature move that they are really fond of.
Because they have had success with the move in the past,
sometimes they may be guilty of focussing too much on it
with a new girlfriend. No move works on every woman. Everyone
is different, remember? Go ahead and try out those moves
that have worked well for you in the past, or that great
move your buddy said drove his girlfriend crazy. Just be
sure to pay attention to what your girl’s moans and
wiggles tell you about it. If she lies there like a bump
on a log, grabs your hand to stop you, or pulls back from
your touch, then try variations - harder, softer, faster,
slower, etc. If you find a variation that works for her,
remember it - then you’ll already have a head start
for next time. If you still get no response after the variations,
move on to something else. I have heard women complain that
some men are bound and determined to make their “signature
move” work at all costs like they have a one track
mind. Such behavior can be frustrating and ruin the mood.
MENTIONING
PAST LOVERS. “The dumbest thing any man can do
is talk about past lovers while out on a date, let alone
in bed.” The last thing your lady wants to hear about
is all of your past lovers. If you want her to feel special,
you need to focus on her and not on your past lovers. Make
her feel like she is the only woman in the world when she
is with you.
Thrusting Too Hard Or Too Fast:
According to many ladies, when it comes to intercourse,
one of the worst things you can do is thrust away right
from the start like a rabbit in heat. Take your time. Start
slow. Build up to faster thrusts, if that’s what the
two of you like. Another one of the worst things you can
do when it comes to intercourse is to thrust too hard, like
a runaway jackhammer, right from the start. Remember that
as you thrust, your hipbone can dig into her stomach or
thigh. The harder you thrust, the more painful this can
be for her. Sometimes your lady may request harder thrusts.
If so, then by all means, give her what she wants. Just
be sure she is ready, willing, and able to accept your hard
thrusting before you attempt it. If your lady asks for it
hard and nasty, here is a terrific tip to help you give
her hard, deep thrusting:
Headboard
Leverage Technique: Sometimes, your lady might want
good, hard, deep, vigorous thrusting penetration. Here's
a technique to help you do this a little easier. Lie down
on the bed in the missionary position, but turn 180 degrees
so your feet are facing the head of the bed. Scoot down
to where your feet are right up against the headboard. Using
the headboard with your feet will give you the extra leverage
you need for some forceful thrusting from the missionary
position. Be sure to keep your lady relaxed. Don't let her
get into a tensed body mode.
Squishing
Her:
Be careful not to put too much of your weight on her. Men
are generally larger than women are and this can be painful
for her. If she is spending too much time and energy thinking
about being able to breathe, she isn’t concentrating
on her pleasure - or yours.
Barking
Directions:
Unless you are role-playing, don’t bark out instructions
like a drill sergeant. Speak to her in a soft, gentle, loving
voice or your little soldier’s sex life may be missing
in action for a few days.
Talking
Dirty:
Many women like it when you talk dirty to each other
in bed. Others don’t. Don’t make the mistake of
doing so without knowing if your lady likes it, first. Your
best bet is to ask her.
Spanking
Her:
During your sexual activity, don’t spank your lady
without her permission. There will be a lot of women that
will really enjoy that. There are a lot of others that really
won’t. Don’t do it to your lady until you find
out what she thinks about the idea. You could catch her
completely off guard and upset her. She might even smack
you back - and not in a good way!
Attempting
Anal Sex And Pretending It Was An Accident:
If you have trouble finding the right hole, one lady suggested
purchasing a GPS system or taping a map to your headboard.
If you want to try anal sex, you have to ask her first.
Attempting this without asking first and then pretending
it was an accident is not acceptable. If you are truly unsure
of what you are doing, then brush up on basic female anatomy
before you do anything else.
Stopping
For A Break In The Middle Of The Action:
During oral sex, if you can tell that she’s getting
close to orgasm, don’t stop for anything - not even
if your tongue feels like it will fall off. If you do stop,
even for a minute, you will likely have to start all over
again. Most women can’t pick up where they left off.
Here are three tips for you. The first is for when your
tongue becomes tired in the middle of the action. The second
two are tongue strengthening exercises to build more tongue
stamina.
Tired
Tongue Tip: If your tongue gets tired while pleasuring
her, just curl it up against the outside of your upper lip.
Now, you can still pleasure her with the exposed backside
of your tongue while your tongue rests and still not break
the sensation of softness and heat that she is enjoying.
By the time you need to do this, there should be enough
lubrication from her to avoid any dryness.
Tung-Fu
Technique: This is an ancient Chinese Taoist secret
exercise to strengthen the tongue for oral sex. Hang an
orange on a string. Use martial arts on it with your tongue.
Jab it. Move it from side to side. Lift it up. After a few
weeks, graduate to a grapefruit.
Lifesaver
Tongue Stamina Tip: This is a great exercise to gain
tongue endurance for oral sex. Hold a Lifesaver at the front
of your mouth in the upright position, either between your
lips and gum or just inside your teeth. Now, using tiny
tongue motions, dissolve the lifesaver from the inside out.
Like great oral sex, this takes time, patience, and a strong,
nimble tongue.
Not
Caring Whether Or Not She Cums:
This is the best way to ensure she’ll never make love
with you, again. Guys that cum and then roll over and go
to sleep without finishing off their ladies will forever
wonder why they can’t keep a good lady.
CUMMING
TOO SOON. If you are prone to premature ejaculations,
then be sure to have a back up plan in mind to finish your
lady off. It is not ok to have an orgasm yourself and then
give up on the lovemaking. You should finish what you start.
Not
Cumming Soon Enough:
Many men may think that thrusting away for an hour
without cumming is the mark of a sex god and is every woman’s
dream for their man. Well, most women aren’t looking
for a marathon man of such proportions. Most women get raw
and numb after awhile and are ready for it to end. So, don’t
cum too early, but don’t take too long, either.
Asking
Us If We've Cun Yet!
“When a guy asks whether I’ve come yet,
it kills any momentum I might have had. I hate that.”
Guys, it’s great that you are concerned with your
ladies pleasure, but if you ask her about her orgasm in
the middle of the act, it can not only be an added pressure
for your lady, it can also take her even further away from
orgasm. Afterwards, if you ask her and she did cum, you
might feel foolish for not recognizing the fact that she
did. If you ask and she didn’t cum, you might feel
foolish that you didn’t give her an orgasm. Either
way, it’s probably not a good idea to ask. Some women
said they wouldn’t mind, though, as long as they were
asked afterwards. Ask your lady about her thoughts on the
situation.
Asking
Me If It Was Good:
“It’s always good, but if the guy asks
me, then my impression of him drops a few points because
if he was really paying attention, he would have known it
was good.”
Condom Disposal:
Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. Don’t
leave it behind for her to clean up. Not only is this thoughtless,
it also may make her wonder if you’ll expect her to
clean up after you all the time in other areas of your life.
Not
Snuggling After Sex:
Most women really like to snuggle after making love. This
is a terrific time to make the emotional connection that
most women (and a lot of men, too) need. A good rule of
thumb that I really like is to always let your lady fall
asleep first. This serves several purposes:
She
can never accuse you of rolling over and falling asleep
right after sex.
It prevents you from keeping her awake with your snoring.
You may find it really relaxing and reflective to just hold
your lady for awhile as she sleeps. Look at her, think about
what she means to you, and think about how much you love
her.
Rushing
To The Shower Immediatly After Sex:
“Right after sex, he rushes to the shower. That
makes me feel like I’m dirty.” Guys, many
women have said that they feel dirty when you get up immediately
after a lovemaking session and head right for the shower.
Try not taking a shower immediately afterwards. A lot of
people even sleep that way until morning. If you must run
for the shower, make sure she doesn’t think you are
running away from her. Give her a big kiss and tell her
she made you so hot you have to jump in the shower real
quick to cool off. Better yet, why not invite her along.
Getting Dressed Or Leaving Immediately After Sex:
This sends the message that you got what you wanted and
now you are leaving. This is not a good message to send
if you would like a repeat performance in the future. Spend
some time with her and don’t leave immediately afterwards
in most circumstances.
The Most Common Mistakes Women Make In Bed
(According To Men)
Always
Covering Up:
Ladies, don’t shut the bathroom door when you
are dressing or undressing. Men are visual creatures. Let
him see you naked as often as you get the chance. Perform
as much of your morning routine as you can while naked.
Save getting dressed for the last minute. Let him watch
you dress and undress.
According
to a survey from the U.S. National Health and Social Life,
fifty percent of men ages 18-44 find watching their ladies
undress “very appealing”. Only vaginal intercourse
rated higher.
Let him watch you dress. We're not talking about pulling
on your holey cotton panties. You can turn the everyday
act of getting dressed into a highly charged erotic performance.
For starters, change the way you put on your bra. Yes, it's
easier to fasten it by putting it on back to front, but
the sight of two empty cups hanging from your back isn’t
exactly guaranteed to raise an erection. Slip your arms
through the straps and reach back to hook it, giving him
a full frontal view. Fumbling with the closing? Ask him
for help. Next, put on your top, remaining bottomless. Or
sometimes do the opposite and put on your bottoms, remaining
topless. Take a moment to comb your hair before you put
anything else on. It's a sight he won't forget. It’s
like a reverse striptease.
Wearing
Grannie's Panties:
One lady suggests, “Invest in beautiful lingerie.
Always wear it. Get used to it. Men love beautiful lingerie
- sexy bras, matching sexy panties. Throw all of your old
stuff out. Make this your new rule. Go without buying a
new outfit, if you have to. Invest in the sexy undies. They
will drive him crazy. You will benefit from this effort,
also. You will begin to see yourself as more sexual and
sensual.”
Not Keeping Themselves Clean:
While cleanliness is definitely important, some men
believe there is no aroma better than that of a woman’s
genitals when she is excited. That being said, no one wants
to be with a woman that doesn’t take proper care of
herself, either. The same can be said for guys and their
hygiene habits.
Lack
Of Sexual Confidence:
Many men said they wish their women were a bit more
confident in the bedroom. Confidence is sexy! A healthy
confidence in the bedroom can really be the difference between
lukewarm sex and sizzling hot sex. So, seek out your inner
self-confidence and unleash the sex goddess in you.
"They
Are To Paranoid About Their Bodies To Really Relax And Enjoy
Sex":
Ladies, do you always insist on making love under the covers
or with the light off? Do you flinch if your man touches
your stomach, thighs, breasts, buttocks, or any other body
part you are uncomfortable with? Are you worried about what
your breasts look like when they fall to the sides when
you are on your back? Do you worry about what your butt
looks like when your man is penetrating you from behind?
Well, stop that! Most men are so happy to be in bed with
you, they really aren’t looking for all of your flaws.
We all have them. That’s what makes all of us unique
and gives us character. Is your man the perfect specimen?
Probably not. But you accept him, flaws and all, right?
I’ll bet he does the same for you. If he doesn’t,
you are with the wrong man. Learning to relax during lovemaking
is essential. You will enjoy it so much more. In fact, in
a U.S. survey, women with a positive body image had orgasms
73% of the time. Self-conscious women only reached orgasm
42% of the time. Sex is not only about what’s happening
on the outside, but also very much about what’s happening
on the inside. If you are busy worrying about whether your
breasts are drooping a little bit or you are trying to suck
in your stomach so those extra 5 pounds you gained won’t
show, then you aren’t focusing on what you should be
focusing on. It only makes sense that your sex life will
suffer. A good lover is a confident lover. Feel like you
are sexy, and you will be. Your man already thinks you are
sexy. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be making love with you.
Not Realizing how Vulnerable Men Are About Their Sexuality:
Believe it or not, ladies, no matter how masculine your
man is, most guys are really vulnerable when it comes to
their sexuality. In many cases, you have the ability to
make him or destroy him in the bedroom.
Build
him up by bragging to him about how good he makes you feel.
Give him positive reinforcement when he does something good,
and be gentle with him when he does something wrong.
Giving constructive criticism is great, just be sure to
be sensitive about it so you don’t destroy his fragile
sexual ego.
The best thing you can do for a great sex life is to guide
your man, teach him right, and make him feel like the best
lover the world has ever seen - even if he isn’t there
quite yet.
Nickname his penis. “Wee Willie Winkie” probably
isn’t the best choice. Choose a name that is commanding
and powerful. “King Kong” or “Cockasaurus”
would be great choices. Giving his penis a powerful nickname
will definitely boost his sexual ego and make him feel terrific
about his lovemaking ability.
If something goes wrong, it’s best to minimize it.
For example, if he has trouble achieving or maintaining
an erection, be gentle. The way you handle it can have a
dramatic effect on your sex life. Handle it correctly and
it’s likely to be no big deal. Handle it incorrectly
and it can make a temporary problem worse. It can have a
snowball effect in his mind and perpetuate the problem.
A terrific way to handle this situation would be to grab
his penis, give him a kiss, and tell him something like,
“You must be so tired. I must have worn you all out.
You know what I’m really in the mood for right now?
I’m in the mood for some oral sex. How about coming
over here and giving me some of that great oral sex you
are so famous for. I love the way you lick me. That always
sends me into orbit” This allows him to save face and
still be able to pleasure you.
Using
Sex [Or Lack Of ]Sex As A Weapon:
Adam & Eve, a distributor of erotica, conducted a telephone
survey and found that 22 percent of women admit to withholding
sex as punishment after an argument or disagreement with
their partner. Sex should not be used as a bargaining chip
to achieve what we want. Inside a relationship, it is a
physical and emotional sharing and expression of love between
one another. It is not a favor to be withheld. Doing so
can, and oftentimes does, lead to tremendous conflict, resentment,
anger, and retaliatory behavior, and can easily threaten,
destabilize, and even destroy an otherwise healthy relationship.
Use sex as a way to make up and feel close again after an
argument, not as a means to further punish your partner.
It is important to the vitality of the relationship to frequently
engage in sex. Doing so will do more to keep you together
than can any childish game you could make up to withhold
the love and intimacy that needs to be evidenced. If you
continue to use sex as a weapon, the intimacy you feel from
the special closeness that only lovemaking can bring will
disappear - and quite possibly the relationship, too.
They
Expect us To Be Mind Readers:
Partners seldom discuss their sexual desires. According
to one survey, only 41 percent of women said they have discussed
their sex life with their partners or told them what turns
them on. “They don’t tell us what works for
them to get them to orgasm. They expect us to somehow know
this.” All women are different. Just because something
worked for his ex-girlfriend, doesn’t mean it will
work for you.
Guide
your man and teach him what to do to pleasure you. Most
men are all too willing to do what you need us to do. Most
of us just don’t know what that is. When you learn
to include communication as a part of your lovemaking, I
believe you will notice huge improvements in your sexual
satisfaction.
Tell him how he did it, ladies. After making love, we like
to be told what it was, exactly, that we did to make you
climax. For example, “I love the way you kept a slow
and steady pace while licking my clitoris. That drove me
wild and sent me into orbit!” It’s positive reinforcement
for him. Now he knows exactly how you like it and will likely
remember it for next time.
They
Only Seem To Like Sex In The Beginning:
“Once the newness wears off of the relationship,
they lose interest.” Both the guys and the gals
share an equal responsibility in this one, I believe. If
the sex becomes predictable and boring, many women will
naturally begin to lose interest. This can be remedied easily
by both of you by just making sure you include a lot of
variety in your lovemaking. You don’t have to make
major changes and memorize 1001 different positions, but
just change something small. Make sure you aren’t doing
exactly the same thing every time in exactly the same way.
Mixing it up is very important in a monogamous relationship.
Imagine being forced to eat every meal for the rest of your
life at one particular restaurant. After a while, you would
grow tired of the same old food all the time. Now, imagine
the same restaurant, but one day they serve Italian food,
have subdued lighting, and soft music. You go there the
next day and they have the music blaring, they have cleared
the tables and chairs away to form a dance floor in the
middle of the room, and they are serving finger foods. The
next day, they serve Thai food and have changed to an oriental
ambiance. Now you could enjoy that same restaurant all the
time because of the variety. There is always something new
and exciting to experience. Lovemaking can also benefit
from such variety. It can be slow and sensual, it can be
wild and uninhibited, it can be gentle and loving, it can
be hard and fast. You can make love in bed, in the car,
outside on a hillside, on the kitchen counter, on the living
room floor, or many other places. You can make love naked,
with clothes on, or with clothes only partially on. You
can have long marathon sessions or you can have a two-minute
quickie. The point is you can keep the excitement alive
by introducing variety into your lovemaking. It does take
effort on your part, but the reward is a fulfilling and
sizzling-hot sex life.
Not
open Or Willing To Try New Things:
Ladies, be open and willing to try new things. This is what
men rate highest as essential in a sex partner, according
to a 1996 survey.
What
do men rate as most essential in sex partner?
