Outercourse: Sex without Sex.
Written By: Katie Rose

Katierose99 says:

I have to get working on my abstinence article.

GRF says:

Abstinence? Why that?

Katierose99 says:

As part of safe sex month

GRF says:

That is a strange paradox.

GRF says:

Safe sex, by definition, indicates that the person is still engaging in some kind of sexual activity. Abstinence, on the flip side, is abstaining from any kind of sexual activity.

He’s right. I don’t want to talk strictly about abstinence. I want to talk about how people can enjoy each other sexually and still keep themselves safe.

There are many good reasons to choose abstinence. For some it's a way of life, while for others it's a temporary choice. Some people choose abstinence because they want to:

· Wait until they are older

· Wait for a long-term relationship

· Avoid an accidental pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease

· Follow religious or cultural expectations

What are some of the benefits of abstinence?

· More self-respect and more respect for each other

· Security that you’re not being pursued for sexual reasons

· Greater chance of faithfulness in marriage and trust in your partner’s ability to control him/herself with other people

· A chance to develop more depth in relationships.

Abstinence doesn't have to mean shutting off your sexuality. In fact, with a little imagination, abstinence can be a very sexy, satisfying choice if that's what you want it to be. It might include holding hands, flirting, feeding each other, gazing into your partner's eyes, massage, sharing fantasies, bathing together, necking, self-pleasuring, touching your partner's body, oral sex, strolling arm in arm -- there are a million possibilities!

Choosing forms of sexual expression other than vaginal or anal intercourse is a great way to avoid some major health consequences -- unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV/AIDS. With a little planning, communication and creativity, you can enjoy a very satisfying "sex life" without running the risks.

All this being said, it's important to note that abstinence does not protect you 100%. There are some activities that may put you at risk:

· A pregnancy could still result if there was any genital-to-genital contact or ejaculation near the vaginal opening.

· Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can be passed on if there is any:

- Ejaculation near the vaginal opening

- Genital to genital contact

- Unprotected oral sex

· Some STDs (such as crabs and herpes) can even be passed on by skin-to-skin contact without an exchange of body fluids.

· Some studies say about 17% of the time, abstinence fails just because couples end up going further than they planned. This can happen if:

- They get caught up in the moment

- One partner is pressured or forced by the other

- They get drunk or high

- One partner feels a need to have sex in order to feel loved or to keep the relationship

Abstinence doesn't just happen. Saying 'no' to intercourse is not enough. You have to think about it, make a plan, and follow through. You need to:
· Define abstinence for yourself. Decide which sensual activities you want and don't want. This is setting your sexual limits or boundaries.

· Get clear about why you've made the choice to be abstinent.

· Talk to your partner about what you want and don't want and why. This will help them understand.

· Ask your partner what they want. What are their reasons?

· Make a decision about sexual activity that's right for both of you.

Talking about your choices is important, and your body language can reinforce what you say. Show your partner what you want - move their hand to where you want to be touched, or move it away.

RW-
I am a single mother of a son who is just turning eighteen. Obviously I’ve had sex before. When I was his age sex was just a part of what we did, we didn’t really think about consequences. I was one of the unlucky where pregnancy was a result. I love my son, but I wish so much more for him than I had. If my early actions in life were not a good example, I have chosen to show my son that a healthy sex life does not have to include intercourse and exposing yourself to unwanted pregnancy and STDs by making abstinence a part of my life.

Celibacy after intimacy after years of hormone driven youth and within a society and generation that actively promotes promiscuity has created a challenge in my life. It is much harder than I imagined. As much as men give you respect for not jumping into bed at the first given opportunity, they still thinks you are weird and after a time seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere. The upside of this however, is that I have a lot of guy friends.

Will I ever have intercourse again? Yes, I’m sure I will. But when I make that decision I know that it will be made with my head instead of my hormones.

What Exactly Is Outercourse?

Great sex is about a lot more than penetration with a penis. It’s about exploring the many ways you can turn your partner on. It’s exploring the many ways that you can be turned on. It’s about finding new buttons to push and rediscovering old ones. Partners who explore safer sex with one another may discover new sexual excitements. They can be clear about how and where they like to be caressed. They help one another enjoy sex even more.

A lot of people have vaginal intercourse because they think they’re supposed to. For a long time, women and men were taught that "good sex" only meant having an orgasm during vaginal intercourse. Nothing could be less true.

Most women don’t have orgasms from vaginal stimulation. Most of them get orgasms when the clitoris is stimulated - whether or not a penis is penetrating them. Men also enjoy outercourse - even if they’re shy about letting their partners know.

Outercourse with many partners can be safer than intercourse with only one.

What Exactly Can You Do If You Choose To Not Have Intercourse?

Masturbation is the most common way we enjoy sex. Partners can enjoy it together while hugging and kissing or watching one another. Masturbating together can deepen a couple’s intimacy.

Many couples enjoy arousing one another with body massage. They stimulate each other’s sex organs with their hands, bodies, or mouths. They take turns bringing each other to orgasm.

Many couples rub their bodies together, especially their sex organs, for intense sexual pleasure.

Reading, watching, or telling erotic fantasies with a sex partner can be very exciting. Acting out fantasies can be exciting, too. Masks and costumes may intensify this kind of sex play.

Sex toys, including vibrators and dildos, can also heighten sexual pleasure. They are used to stroke, stimulate, probe, and caress the body.

Note: It’s very important to keep sex toys clean -especially if they are shared during sex play. Condoms can be used to cover toys that are inserted into the body. Use a fresh condom for each partner and each part of the body.

Outercourse does take some discipline! Both the man and the woman must be committed to this method, or else these exciting forms of sexual intimacy can lead to traditional intercourse. It is not an extremist position to practice outercourse in this age of sexually transmitted infections. The use of a dental dam or latex barrier will prevent the transmission of STDs during cunnilingus (oral contact with the vulva) and oral contact with the anus. Specialized latex male condoms are available for oral contact with the penis. The use of a latex glove will help prevent the transmission of STDs during manual stimulation of the genitals. It works better if there has been communication in advance. Decide in advance what sexual activities you will say "yes" to and discuss these with your partner. Tell your partner, very clearly and in advance, not at the last minute, what activities you will not do. At the same time learn more about the methods of birth control and safer sex so that you will be ready if you change your mind.

Spermicides are chemical agents, which either immobilize or destroy sperm. They are usually in the form of foams, gels or tablets and must be inserted into the vagina before intercourse, where they form a barrier to prevent sperm from getting through the cervix.

Using spermicides for "outercourse", in which the penis doesn't enter the vagina, is relatively safe and most of the time should cause no problems.

The main problem that some men and women run into is that they can develop a skin irritation or an allergic reaction to any of the chemicals contained in the spermicide. When this occurs, the skin of the vulva or penis may become inflamed and tender. If this occurs, you should stop using the spermicide.

There may be an alternative. Outercourse poses only a low risk of pregnancy, when the occasional super-keen sperm manages to swim all the way into the vagina and up through the cervix - an unlikely event, but it has been reported to happen. Why don't you try using the spermicide inside the vagina only, and using normal water-based lubricant on the clitoris and vulva to make things nice and slippery? This should give you extra protection against pregnancy while avoiding skin contact with spermicide.

Remember, abstinence can be a sensual, exciting choice at any time in your life. You decide whatyou want ... what's right for you. You don't have to justify your choices to anyone but yourself.