Any women whose ever seen "When Harry meet Sally" can likely identify with the infamous cafe scene where Sally fakes the most amazing orgasm. Infact I'm willing to bet that the percentage of women who have or do fake orgasm is higher than most surveys actually tell us. I mean let's face it, nowadays women are almost expected to orgasm. Open any romantic novel or magazine and you'll find women quivering, moaning and shaking at the mere touch of his fingertips on her flesh. Ask most real women and you'll find this is far from the world of reality. The when Harry meet Sally scenario is far more likely in many cases.

So why do women still fake orgasms? I admit it I've been known to fake the odd orgasm. More often than not my reasons for doing so have been as many and varied as my reasons for having sex in the first place. When I was younger it was because I thought it was what my partner would want. I began to question this when a partner rolled over and asked me if I'd orgasmed. I'd just put on what I thought was a better performance than Meg Ryan ever had and he still had to ask me!! Something began to click and I realized that maybe faking wasn't the way to go. Judging by the comments to a question I recently asked in our forum, I get the feeling I'm not the only one that realized long ago that faking orgasms robs both partners.

"I hate to admit that I used to fake orgasms quite regularly too... when I was younger. Most of the time because I was tired and wanted the sex to be over. But then I found out my boyfriend knew I was faking it and that made me feel awful, so I stopped doing it.

Faking orgasms maybe a quick fix solution but in a long term relationship it can actually have many negative effects. For example if you fake everytime, for whatever reason you aren't being honest with yourself or your partner when you think about it. Many of the women that replied to my question admitted they felt guilty and as many of us realize guilt and sex in society go hand in hand many times over. Many of the men that responded to my question regarding faked orgasms also talked of guilt when they found that their partners had been faking. Some even described it as feeling robbed.

"In answer to the original question, I'd be kind of angry. I would do anything in the world to make my partner reach climax and I realize that with some women that's not possible all the time. However, I would prefer for a woman to just enjoy the experience and not climax than for her to lie and say she did. I don't take it as an insult and I'm always open for suggestions. Just my two cents. "

"I see faking orgasm as a breach of trust and intimacy, you're performing a very personal act where you're totally open to your partner, and faking/lying to them ruins that. If you're tired/don't want to cum/whatever, you should just tell them. I'd be very p*ssed off at a partner faking orgasms. "

So what's the solution?
If both parties feel guilty when it comes to faking the obvious answer is to stop faking, and to stop faking you have to realize two things. Firstly only a women can actually give/allow herself to orgasm. The second, both partners need to readies that communication is the key. How about we take a closer look at the above?

The first step on the path to no faking is for both men and women to understand that men simply don't give women orgasms. Women allow themselves to have orgasms. Despite popular belief, no matter how good a lover you are, unless your partner can give herself up to the pleasures of her body, she won’t orgasm. Knowing this alone can open the orgasmic door for many women by allowing them permission to take responsibly for their own orgasm. It also takes the pressure to "perform" off of men. There are times it can take me a long time to orgasm and I'm sure this is true for many other women, it used to worry me that my partner would think he was no good or doing something wrong and a hundred different other things and reasons. The more I worried the longer it would take for me to get there, so I slowly managed to create myself a vicious cycle.

How did I break that cycle? I simply plucked up the courage one night to ask my partner if my taking so long bothered him. When he answered with a truthful no and that he didn't care how long it took as long as I got there. That one little question and answer session opened up the floodgates, helped me relax and stop worrying and my orgasms came far more easily.

Communication really is the key to stopping fake orgasms. Like I've said before I used to fake the occasional one but once I actually learnt to communicate with my partners I no longer needed to do that. Communication can take many forms and levels, from a simple sound to a full blown discussion about what you like, when and where. That's the great thing about communication, it doesn't have to be complicated, I'll often just move my partners finger or hand to where it will give me the greatest pleasure.

If you only make one new years resolution this year, make sure it's that you won't ever fake another orgasm, instead give yourself permission to take your time and actually enjoy sex. In a society that says we should all be having sex and enjoying orgasms it's hard to resist the temptation at times but unlike the brown trout and salmon who also fake orgasms according to research you have the ability to stop. It takes a little time, effort and courage but as many of the women who answered my questions concurred once they stopped the rewards were great.

"Since I got married, I don't fake it anymore. It's much more fun to have a real one, and now I'm multi-orgasmic, so things are different. Besides, if the guy knows anything about a woman's body he can tell if she's faking it. "

"Yes, I have faked them. Quite a bit actually. I faked them for years before I had my first real orgasm. As a matter of fact, I believe that by faking so long I may have delayed my true enjoyment of the act. I felt I was supposed to. That is what books and movies described a women acted during sex. I truly didn't know that they were supposed to happen naturally. I also found that as soon as I would have one of my fake ones my bf would cum and it would be over. Bingo. Such power.
I was married for several years before I realized how stupid I was being. I was probably over 30 before I smartened up. I stopped when I realized 2 things. #1. He would never learn how to please me if I continued to lie by my faking and #2. It is OK to enjoy sex and not have an orgasm. "