Written By: Jenne

“…. I feel that age plays a big part in people’s attitudes to foreplay. As a young male, I, like all other testosterone charged males, was hell bent on getting to the goal as quickly as possible without any regard for the state of arousal of my female friend at the time. Foreplay was something that was exciting particularly if the girl was recently unknown. The thrill was to see how far I could get, i.e. the kiss, the outside of the clothing over the breasts until the final goal was reached. In my youth, back in the 50's, intercourse was almost impossible because of social attitudes in those days. Girls these days are much more open and educated about sex and participate in sexual activity more freely than in my younger days.”

Whilst I'm the first to admit that indulging in a good old-fashioned wham, bam thanks you ma'am quickie can be fun, I do love to spend an occasional evening delving into the sensual word of foreplay. I've had many partners over the years that seem to think that foreplay consists of kissing my neck, moving onto my breasts, and then three minutes of oral followed by penetration. I knew where they were going and what they were going to do next and although it was fun it was never fulfilling, always feeling as though they were just going through the motions and the ultimate goal was penetration. As one Clitical member put it:

“As the male gets older and more experienced, he enjoys foreplay for what it really is. The opportunity to arouse his partner so that by the time penetration is achieved, she is in the most receptive mood possible and thus more likely to enjoy coupling in the best way possible.”

Just incase your wondering what foreplay is, it includes a huge variety of activities from kissing and cuddling to oral sex and everything in between. One way I like to approach foreplay is to think of my partner’s body as a map. Think about it. Have you really explored every crack and crevice of their body? If you haven't or think you might have missed a bit then an evening of foreplay can certainly bring some spark back into a relationship.

For me, foreplay often starts long before I've actually reached the bedroom. In fact it often starts at work with a phone call. The most important sexual organ is your brain. It's can be fun to mentally tease your partner when you are out at dinner as to what might transpire later, or why not leave him a message on his answering machine at work telling him what you have planned for that evening. Don’t give everything away, just hinting is far more fun, or so I've found.

Foreplay can also take the form of simple kisses and cuddles. After a long day at the typewriter I like nothing more than to relax with my partner and indulge in some simple kissing and cuddling, which often leads to other things.

“I can get to my wife with long sessions of kissing only. She loves to kiss, and I do too. If we do nothing else, she eventually melts. We have even played a game where the rule is nothing BUT kissing. Believe me when I tell you she was like a firecracker when she finally blew.”

One of the things that people often complain about is that foreplay takes too much time. Trust me when I say it's worth the effort of setting aside some special time for just you and your partner. Having two kids myself I understand all to well how hard this can be. But if you have to, make a foreplay appointment in advance. Some people may say that sex should be spontaneous, but if sex never happens or is always hurried, then where's the fun in that? Personally I love a mixture of the two and from the many letters we receive at Clitical I'm not alone. There is also the element of having something to look forward to, and that in and of itself can be erotic and a form of foreplay.

So, you've made your appointment. What's next?
The whole idea of foreplay is to take your time. Forget about the kids, work and anything else that is likely to kill your mood and concentrate solely on your partner. One idea is that each time you make an appointment, have only one partner as the receiver and the other as the giver. Next time change around. This gives each partner something to look forward to.

There is no real recipe for foreplay, but you might like to think of it as a good stew. You bring your partner to the boil and then let them simmer for a while before bringing them back to the boil and then serving them with whatever they are hopefully begging for by then.

Set the mood: Part of the idea of making an appointment is that this allows you to take the time to set up both the mood and the scene. These actually go hand in hand. If you take the time to change the lighting in your room, then the evening can take on a whole new feeling. Candles can add ambiance to the occasion but simply turning off the main light and moving the side lamps around can make the room feel different again. You might like to add massage oils, feathers and anything else you can think of into the mix.

A fun thing to do when you arrange the evening perhaps plan a massage is always good starting place for foreplay. In fact, any form of touch is foreplay and can be a very satisfying as well as erotic experience. Take your time and explore different aspects of your partners body, you are not running a race here but the prize for taking your time can be great.

Massage in turn can lead to oral or any place you want to take it. The point here is to take things slowly and pay attention to your partner. Listen to their breathing, their reactions when you touch them, and let their body be your guide. This is an excellent way to discover what makes your partner tick. If you are on the receiving end of foreplay then encourage your partner verbally or by simply allowing yourself to react to whatever they are doing.

Whatever type of foreplay you decide to engage in, the key is take your time, listen to your partners body and learn to respond to it. That in itself can be a great reward and they are more likely to want to take more time out from their busy schedule to indulge in some sensual fun.

“Foreplay, in fact, can be almost if not more enjoyable than actual intercourse especially if both parties are new to each other and spend a lot of time on initial exploration of each others bodies.”

I couldn’t agree more!

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