I was nineteen when I took my first spin with a vibrator. I was spending the summer with a friend and she kept her beloved electric vibrator lying by her bed. One day after she went out my curiosity got the better of me and, after giving the toy a quick sponge bath, I turned it on and pressed it against my clitoris. Nothing could have prepared me for the delicious and totally unexpected sensations that traveled through my clit, not to mention the powerful orgasm that rippled clear through to my toes. Needless to say, I made up a lot of excuses to stay indoors that summer, and enjoyed some of the best orgasms of my life.

I tell that story because it illustrates the benefits and the beauty of simple erotic exploration. The benefits are innumerable: I discovered a whole new level of sexual awareness, I gained sexual self-esteem, and I knew this toy would be as faithful (or more) to me as any future lover. And the beauty part: I was able to embrace sex toys instantly because I'd experienced them myself in such a positive way. My knowledge of sex was so limited at nineteen that I was totally unaware of any myths or stereotypes about sex toys; my success was due entirely to a "try it, you might like it" approach.

I've spent twenty years inviting people to do the same thing: Just try sex toys, maybe you'll like them. In my conversations, I've encountered all kinds of myths about sex toys that I never knew existed. I'll share the more popular ones with you here—perhaps you'll see that they're mostly smoke screens designed to hide feelings of embarrassment, fear or discomfort. Trying anything new involves risk, but if you like what you discover, the benefits make it all worthwhile. Sex toys can open up new vistas of pleasure—who needs a better incentive than that?

Top Ten Myths about Sex Toys:

1. They're only for people whose sex lives need help.
The fact that sex toys have been referred to as "marital aids" and "sexual aids" for so long has done much to further this myth. The word "aid" implies that you should only use one of these toys if you need to fix something that's broken. But a woman who finds that a vibrator helps her orgasm more easily is not broken, nor is a man who discovers that a cock ring helps his erection last longer. Individual sexual response falls on a vast continuum, and it fluctuates over one's lifetime. If we measured sexual performance against one single "ideal," we'd all end up "broken" at some time in our lives, and who needs to walk around under that cloud? I've always been a fan of the term "sex toy" because it reminds me not to take sex too seriously—it's hard not to smile when there's a butterfly vibrating one's clitoris. Sex is unpredictable, exciting, elusive, messy and playful, and sex toys make a natural addition to this wonderful mix.

2. Sex toys are unnatural
This stems from the belief that proper sex should involve only the equipment that you were born with. If you're strict about this, sex is bound to get a little boring. Forget the sexy lingerie, the romantic movie, the candlelight, the satin sheets, or the massage oil. All these things contribute to our experience of sex and are no more "natural" than sex toys, yet most folks don't have a problem with them. Take a tip from our ancestors who fashioned dildos out of stone or wood if you want something organic. Or just lighten up! I'm not suggesting you play with bio-engineered corn for heaven's sake.

3. I'll get addicted
Women worried about becoming dependant on vibrators typically mention this one. I've always found it amusing because if vibrators really were that addictive, then society would surely grind to a halt (or the power outages would be worse), while the millions of women who already own vibrators spent all their time at home jerking off. There is no physiological basis for vibrator addiction; the real issue seems to be a fear of indulging oneself in sexual pleasure. The saying goes, "If I try this vibrator I'll like it so much I won't be able to come any other way." But substitute the word "vibrator" in that sentence with your favorite food: "If I try Fudge Brownie Ice Cream, I'm afraid I'll like it so much I won't want to eat any other food." Or your favorite hobby: "I'm afraid if I bike to work I won't ever want to ride in my car again." It doesn't hold quite the same charge, does it? I think it's the sex part of the equation that gives us pause; the sense that we aren't entitled to that much sexual satisfaction. Pleasure is a good thing, and if your vibrator brings you that much pleasure, buzz away I say. There's no law that says you have to use your hand, a penis, or a tongue. Sure, it's fun to enjoy a range of sensations, but you can still do that and have your vibrator orgasms too!

Because vibrators enable women to come easily, they can be habit-forming. I'm not saying that's a bad thing—quite the opposite. But if you feel like your vibrator use is detracting from your experience of other kinds of sexual stimulation, all you need to do is stop using it for awhile, and you'll get accustomed to your hand again (or a lover's tongue, etc.).

4. I'm worried that the toys will replace my partner (or replace me in my partner's affections).
This is a close cousin to the addiction concern, in that it expresses a fear that sex toy orgasms are so powerful that you'll never want to have sex any other way. But when you stop to think about it logically, what vibrator can cuddle up to you at night, caress your back just the way you like, or kiss you so deeply it sends chills down your spine?

5. Only single people should use sex toys.
The great thing about sex toys is that they add options to partner sex play—that back caress may feel even better when you follow it with the light touch of a feather, and that kiss may resonate even more deeply if your partner's hands are bound to the bed posts. Sex toys do fill in nicely when you are single, or when you do have a partner and he or she just isn't in the mood. Isn't it nice to have options?

6. If I use an ______ people will think I'm an _____.

"If I use a butt plug, people will think I'm gay." Or "If I like dildos, then I must be a lesbian." "If I want to tie my partner up, I must be a dominatrix." Oh my, these are just wacky assumptions about sexuality. One thing I learned working at a sex toy store is that all kinds of people have all kinds of sexual tastes, and they absolutely cannot be neatly compartmentalized based on sexual orientation. Sure lots of lesbians like dildos, but so does the woman who wants to have a dildo in her vagina while her husband anally penetrates her. Not all gay men like anal sex, just as not all heterosexual women like giving blow jobs. Your desire to try out a pair of wrist restraints doesn't mean you're headed for a career in SM, it just means you have a healthy sexual inquisitiveness! Your sexual identity defines who you are, not your sexual practices. So quit worrying what the Jones's might think, and just do what feels good!

7. Sex toys are all made by sleazy men who have no idea about women's pleasure.
For many years the sex toy industry made its fortune preying off people's ignorance and shame around sex. Poorly made generic toys rolled off the assembly line and were packaged up for sale at the local adult store. Since no one would admit patronizing Al's XXX Love Shack, it's hardly surprising no one complained to the Better Business Bureau. Hubby might've purchased a vibrator for his wife on his last business trip, but it wasn't like he was about to return it if she didn't like it.

Thank god times are a changin'. Thanks to feminism, the sexual revolution, and the anonymity offered by mail order catalogs and web sites, women now comprise a much higher portion of the market, so toy makers are starting to pay attention to what women really want (as opposed to what men always thought we wanted).

Women wanted stronger vibrations on their clits, and the invention of the microchip yielded a crop of tinier and mightier toys, as seen in our category called "technology breakthroughs" . Women said "yuck!" to sticky, smelly, plastic dildos, so the industry answered with the invention of toys made from colorful jelly , cyberskin, and silicone.

8. They all look the same.
Say vibrator to most people and what they think of is the standard 7", penis-like rubber toy that dominated the scene for years. But a trip to an online store like Libida.com will clear up that misconception immediately. Want a vibrator that looks like a dolphin ? A cock ring that looks like a bolo tie? A penis sleeve that looks like a flashlight ?

9. I'd never be able to walk into an X-rated book store to buy a sex toy.
And you no longer have to. Thanks to the Internet, detailed product information, pictures, and articles about how to use these toys are just a click away. And reputable companies like Libida.com offer generous return policies and privacy protections so all you have to worry about is whether you picked the right color.

10. Only raincoat wearing perverts buy sex toys.
This may be the image the media likes to project of sex toy buyers, but the fact that US consumers spent over $1 billion dollars on sex toys alone last year suggests that either we're all perverts or there's more to this stereotype than meets the eye. Chances are, if you buy sex toys today, you'll have something in common with your neighbor, the parent at the PTA meeting, or the girl, like me, who discovered their sweet charms one lazy summer.

Anne Semans is the co-author of Sexy Mamma's The Mother's Guide to Sex and The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex,

Copyright 2003-2007 Anne Semans.

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