Written by: Jenne

In a perfect world, whenever we wanted an orgasm, we could simply call up Walmart and order one. Unfortunatly most of us don't live in a perfect world and orgasm for many women can be an elusive at best and at worst non existant. Even women who for many years have experienced orgasms either solo or partnered can often find themselves in an orgasm desert, where nothing seems to work. If I'm describing you then it's worth remembering here that you are not alone! Of all the questions we get asked here at Clitical this is probably the most popular.

There are many reasons why a women may not experience an orgasm and below I've set out some of the more common reasons and what you may be able to do to change them.

1: Change Your Attitude
The most common obstacle to having an orgasm can be as simple as your attitude to sex. You may have been brought up to believe that sex is dirty or bad and as a result you'll likely feel awkward about touching yourself or allowing a partner to touch you down there.

2: Accept That You Have To Learn How To Orgasm.
Read any romance novel and a variety of magazines and it's easy to get the idea that every women in the universe is orgasming. The truth is that orgasm is often times a learnt experience. In other words you're not going to have one simply because you want one, although this is an important part of the process. Most women experience their first orgasm when alone rather than with a partner. Forget the notion that because you've fallen in love with a great partner, he/she will automatically be able to give you an orgasm.

Instead invest your time in some research, learning how your body works is the first step to orgasms because once you take the mystery out of the process things often become clearer.

3: Accept Responsibilty For Your Own Orgasm
If you think it's your partners responsibilty to give you an orgasm think again. No one can give you an orgasm, you have to take one for yourself. There are no magic potions that can give you an orgasm, but by being in the right fram of mind and guiding your partner you can experience one.

4: Teach Yourself to Masturbate.
Learning what makes your body tick is an important part of discovering your sexuality and there is no better way to do this than by masturbating. You'll find a variety of techniques and suggestions to help you HERE.

5: Educate Your Partner
There is a common belief that men simply know what to do when it comes to sex. The truth is that often they have no more idea about what makes you as a women tick sexually than you do about nuclear physics. That's not to put the guys down but just as women have to learn what makes you tick, you have to do the same with your partners. Communication is your most important tool here, talk to your partner, tell them what you want, need and desire.

6: Change the Way You Think About Your Body
Have you ever found yourself avoiding a certain position when in the throws of passion because you think it makes your stomach look big, your boobs look flabby or maybe you simply always make love with the lights off?

If you've done any of the above you are selling yourself short and because you are concentrating on negatives, orgasms will likely be elusive. Your partner is with you because they want to be, they find you attractive no matter what you think are your faults. Learning to ignore your so called faults and simply letting go can vastly improve both your self esteem and your love life.

If you really can't ignore your faults as you see them, do something about it. Join a gym, get a makeover, splurge on some new clothes or whatever it takes to build up your self esteem. You might also want to take some time to explore yourself naked in front of the mirror. Learn to love what you have because your partner already does, faults and all.

7: Stop Trying So Hard
Ever found yourself desperatly wishing for an orgasm? When you do this your likely robbing yourself because instead of focusing on the sensations your body is creating, your focusing on what is not happening. Learning to simply give into the sensations as opposed to worrying about orgasm or the final part of the journey is important. You might want to try concentrating on your breathing here as this can often take your mind away from the worry of not orgasming. You might also want to try some reverse psycholgy here, by telling yourself you aren't allowed to orgasm. By doing this you'll relax more and who knows you might even score!

9: Stress: The orgasm Killer
Nothing kills an orgasm faster than stress or tiredeness. Let's face it, it's hard to relax when your worrying about that big meeting tommorow, the mortage payment you can't make or how Jonny will react to his first day at school tommorow. While it's often said that sex is a great stress reliever, getting to the stage where you feel like actually taking part in sex can be really difficult. Talking things through with a partner or someone else can help here as can making a list of why and what your worried about. By placing it on paper you can often make a problem less of a problem. Learn to let go of your stress and you'll find your orgasms won't be so elusive.

10: Getting Things In Prespective
If you're used to experienceing an orgasm everytime you have sex to suddenly not have one can be a shock. The way you treat this experience is important though and not making a mountain out of a molehill will break a cycle before it even begins. Just shrug it off as what it is a one time experience that may have many causes, such as tiredness, but don't analyse it. Simply dismiss it as a fluke because thinking you won't/can't orgasm will likely become a self fulfilling prophesy.

Orgasm shouldn't be a mission or become an all encompassing passion. By focusing not on the journey's end but the journey itself and all the sensations that it creates you are more likely to have an enjoable experience and poosibly score a goal!