Written
by: Jenne
In
a perfect world, whenever we wanted an orgasm, we could simply
call up Walmart and order one. Unfortunately most of us don't
live in a perfect world and orgasm for many women can be an elusive
at best and at worst none existent. Even women who for many years
have experienced orgasms either solo or partnered can often find
themselves in an orgasm desert, where nothing seems to work. If
I'm describing you then it's worth remembering here that you are
not alone! Of all the questions we get asked here at Clitical
this is probably the most popular.
There
are many reasons why a women may not experience an orgasm and
below I've set out some of the more common reasons and what you
may be able to do to change them.
1
Change your attitude
The most common obstacle to having an orgasm can be as simple
as your attitude to sex. You may have been brought up to believe
that sex is dirty or bad and as a result you'll likely feel awkward
about touching yourself or allowing a partner to touch you down
there.
The remedy may be as simple as becoming used to touching yourself,
take your time and explore every beautiful curve you possess.
Practice saying words that describe sex and self love while your
on your own. By simply becoming used to hearing these words you
will likely take the anger and dirtiness out of them.
2
Accept that you have to learn how to orgasm.
Read
any romance novel and a variety of magazines and it's easy to
get the idea that every women in the universe is orgasming. The
truth is that orgasm is often times a learnt experience. In other
words you're not going to have one simply because you want one,
although this is an important part of the process. Most women
experience their first orgasm when alone rather than with a partner.
Forget the notion that because you've fallen in love with a great
partner, he/she will automatically be able to give you an orgasm.
Instead
invest your time in some research, learning how your body works
is the first step to orgasms because once you take the mystery
out of the process things often become clearer.
3
Accept responsibility for your own orgasm
If you think it's your partners responsibility to give you an
orgasm think again. No one can give you an orgasm, you have to
take one for yourself. There are no magic potions that can give
you an orgasm, but by being in the right frame of mind and guiding
your partner you can experience one.
4.
Teach yourself to masturbate.
Learning
what makes your body tick is an important part of discovering
your sexuality and there is no better way to do this than by masturbating.
You'll find a variety of techniques and suggestions to help you
HERE.
5
Educate Your partner
There
is a common belief that men simply know what to do when it comes
to sex. The truth is that often they have no more idea about what
makes you as a women tick sexually than you do about nuclear physics.
That's not to put the guys down but just as women have to learn
what makes you tick, you have to do the same with your partners.
Communication is your most important tool here, talk to your partner,
tell them what you want, need and desire.
6:
Change the way you think about your body
Have
you ever found yourself avoiding a certain position when in the
throws of passion because you think it makes your stomach look
big, your boobs look flabby or maybe you simply always make love
with the lights off. If you've done any of the above you are selling
yourself short and because you are concentrating on negatives
orgasms will likely be elusive. Your partner is with you because
they want to be, they find you attractive no matter what you think
are your faults. Learning to ignore your so called faults and
simply letting go can vastly improve both your self esteem and
your love life.
If
you really can't ignore your faults as you see them, do something
about it. Join a gym, get a makeover, splurge on some new clothes
or whatever it takes to build up your self esteem. You might also
want to take some time to explore yourself naked in front of the
mirror. Learn to love what you have because your partner already
does, faults and all.
7:
Stop Trying So Hard
Ever found yourself desperately wishing for an orgasm? When
you do this your likely robbing yourself because instead of focusing
on the sensations your body is creating, your focusing on what
is not happening. Learning to simply give into the sensations
as opposed to worrying about orgasm or the final part of the journey
is important. You might want to try concentrating on your breathing
here as this can often take your mind away from the worry of not
orgasming. You might also want to try some reverse psychology
here, by telling yourself you aren't allowed to orgasm. By doing
this you'll relax more and who knows you might even score!
9:
Stress: The orgasm Killer
Nothing kills an orgasm faster than stress or tiredness. Let's
face it, it's hard to relax when your worrying about that big
meeting tomorrow, the mortgage payment you can't make or how Jonny
will react to his first day at school tomorrow. While it's often
said that sex is a great stress reliever, getting to the stage
where you feel like actually taking part in sex can be really
difficult. Talking things through with a partner or someone else
can help here as can making a list of why and what your worried
about. By placing it on paper you can often make a problem less
of a problem. Learn to let go of your stress and you'll find your
orgasms won't be so elusive.
10:
Getting Things In perspective
If you're used to experiencing an orgasm every time you have sex
to suddenly not have one can be a shock. The way you treat this
experience is important though and not making a mountain out of
a molehill will break a cycle before it even begins. Just shrug
it off as what it is a one time experience that may have many
causes, such as tiredness, but don't analyze it. Simply dismiss
it as a fluke because thinking you won't/can't orgasm will likely
become a self fulfilling prophesy.
Orgasm
shouldn't be a mission or become an all encompassing passion.
By focusing not on the journey's end but the journey itself and
all the sensations that it creates you are more likely to have
an enjoyable experience and possibly score a goal!
