Written By: C. Michael Smith

“How can I best prepare myself? What can I expect? Will it hurt? Will I enjoy it? Will I satisfy my partner?” These are all questions that one may be asking when contemplating first time sex. You are not alone if you are experiencing some worry, anxiety, uncertainty, and fear of the unknown when it comes to losing your virginity. Given the fact that first sex is such a significant event in one’s life, its surprising how little information is available on the subject.

Some people mistakenly believe that great sex just happens naturally. The truth is that great sex takes practice. It develops slowly and awkwardly over time. Your first time will not likely live up to your expectations, especially if your expectations are a little on the unrealistic side, but don’t sweat it - you have a lifetime to perfect great sex! None of us was an expert right from the start. Your first time, like everyone else’s, is more likely to be clumsy and uncomfortable than earthmoving and glorious. It may even be over just moments after it begins. And I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you aren’t likely see a fireworks display or hear the trumpets sounding the moment the penis enters the vagina, either. I don’t mean to paint you a sad, gray picture, though. Your first time doesn’t have to be disappointing if you arm yourself with realistic expectations, lots of knowledge, and sensible preparation. The better prepared you are, the better your experience will likely be. This article will provide you with the tools you need to get the most out of first-time sex.

Let’s talk about some issues you should consider before taking the big plunge, let’s learn how to best prepare for first time sex, let’s discover what you can realistically expect, let’s ease your concerns about the things that you may be worried about, and let’s discuss what you need to know to make the most of your first time. We’ll discuss many aspects of what to expect for first-time sex, but just be sure to use this information as a general guide and not step-by-step instructions for intercourse. Sex isn’t a performance where you have to do everything exactly right, in the right order, in step-by-step fashion. Instead, it’s more like a non-verbal, physical dialogue, similar to dancing or kissing. There is no right way or wrong way to do it, so don’t worry about doing it “perfectly”, ok? Let’s get started.

WHAT TO CONSIDER

· Are you ready?
Your virginity is a special gift. You can only lose it once, so make sure you are ready. If you are planning to give up your virginity just because you think all of your friends are doing it, because your partner is constantly nagging you about having sex with them, because you think it will miraculously save your troubled relationship, you think it will guarantee a more committed relationship, you think it will make your partner love you more, or you think it will make your partner stay with you longer and keep them from leaving you, then I think you are doing it for the wrong reasons and you may wish to reconsider the decision to give up your virginity. Make sure this is something YOU want to do. Be careful not to confuse reluctance or hesitancy with anxiety, though. Nearly everyone has some degree of anxiety over losing their virginity. Can you honestly say that you are ready?

· Are you emotionally mature enough to handle sex?
Are you ready to accept full responsibility for your emotional wellbeing, your expectations, and your actions? Can you handle the prospect of being disappointed or confused with the physical act, with your partner, or with yourself? If you’ve ever broken off a relationship with a love interest before, you know it’s very tough. Breaking off a relationship after being physically intimate with someone can be even tougher than someone you haven’t slept with. Are you able to deal with that in a healthy way if it happens?

· Is this the person I want to lose my virginity to?
The next thing to consider is the person you are with. Remember that you can only give your virginity away one time and you will remember it for the rest of your life, so choose wisely. Make sure you will not regret this decision. Choose someone that you really care for and make sure they really care for you, also. Since we’ve already discussed how sex isn’t likely to be earthmoving your first time, the person that you are with is what you’ll likely want to remember most about your first time. Ask yourself the following questions. Is this person pressuring me to have sex with them? Will they respect my boundaries? Do I respect and trust this person? Is this person easy to talk to? Am I comfortable around this person? Are they patient, gentle, understanding, and loving? Can I see myself having a long-term relationship with them? If our first time together happens to be a total disaster, will this person make me feel bad about it, or can I laugh about it with this person? Will it be fun experimenting with this person and learning how to have great sex together?

· How could this decision change my life?
Sex can be serious fun and it can bring serious pleasure. But, it can also bring some serious consequences. If you decide you are ready to be sexually active, then you must make sure you are ready, willing, and able to accept the responsibilities that come along with sex, too. I am speaking of protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancy and STDs. Young people who have babies unexpectedly undergo dramatic changes in their lives and STDs are affecting more and more people everyday. Sex can be a life-changing event. Make sure it changes your life for the better and not for the worse. Protect yourself!

HOW TO BEST PREPARE
There seems to be 2 schools of thought when it comes to preparing to lose your virginity.

One is that you should just let it happen naturally and spontaneously, when the time comes. Some of the best things in life happen spontaneously: laughter, a smile, and yes, sex. Letting your first time happen spontaneously can reduce a lot of the stress involved in planning for your first time. For instance, if you know that you plan to lose your virginity on a certain day, you will likely get increasingly more nervous as the big day approaches. By the time it gets here, you may be a nervous wreck. Letting it happen spontaneously gets rid of that anxiety.

The other school of thought is that you should plan it out, on a certain day, at a certain place, at a certain time. Planning for your first time will leave you better prepared for it than letting it happen spontaneously. You don’t want to be caught without protection, lubrication, and other needed items.

I can see the merit in both ways of thinking. My advice is that when you decide you are ready to have sex for the first time, plan your time spent together so that you always have protection, lubrication, and other needed items handy, but don’t plan the intercourse. In other words, don’t plan the act itself, but plan around the act. Let that happen naturally. Just make sure you always have the items you need handy in case it happens. This should reduce a lot of the un-needed nervousness and excessive fore-thought while still making sure you will have a safe and protected experience with birth control, lubrication, and condoms.

In one study I read, when it comes to planning their first sexual encounters, 25% of males planned it out as opposed to 17% of females. The rest let it happen naturally and spontaneously. But, no matter which way of thinking you determine is right for you, there are some things you need to know to best prepare yourself for having sex for the first time.

· The most important thing you need to know is to use protection. Protect yourself and your partner from pregnancy and STDs. Use birth control and make sure you know how to use condoms. Guys can practice masturbating with them. This way, you not only get practice putting them on, but you can get used to the way they feel.

· Gain some experience ahead of time. Get to know your body and your sexual response. Practice masturbating so you know how to best please yourself. Then you can relay this information to your partner. Get to know your partner’s body, also. Take a shower together. If you are about to sleep together, you’ve probably already done a lot of touching before, anyway. The better you know your body and your partner’s body, the smoother things will go.

· Simulate the event in advance. During heavy make-out sessions, practice the thrusting motions of intercourse with your clothes on. Grind against each other.

· If you have friends or a sibling that have had sex, talk to them to see what their experience was like. They may be able to give you some great pointers on what to expect and how to get the most out of your first time.

· No bragging to friends about what you are planning to do. Deciding to have sex for the first time may be a very personal issue for your partner. I know you are excited, but it may be best if you don’t go gabbing about it to everyone who will listen.

· Great communication is vital in any sexual relationship. Be sure to talk to your partner ahead of time about expectations and concerns. Talking about sex with your partner should help you both become more comfortable and at ease. Is there anything special you want to do? Are there any things that you don’t want to do? What are you concerned about? Do you want to be held afterwards? Do you want an exclusive relationship?

· You’ll also want to have an open and honest discussion with your partner about their sexual history, if they have one. Did you partner use protection against STDs with their previous partner/s? Does your partner have an STD?

· Discuss possible sexual consequences. What will you do if you get pregnant? What will you do if one of you passes on an STD to the other? What forms of protection will you be using to prevent these sexual consequences?

· Be sure to let your partner know that you are a virgin. Many people want to try to hide that from their partners, but that’s a horrible idea, I believe. Don’t be embarrassed about being a virgin. Your partner needs to know it’s your first time, as there are special considerations they should take with you to make sure you are especially comfortable. If you are close enough to your partner to be considering having sex with them, then you should be close enough to honestly confide in them, also.

· Ladies can prepare themselves for penetration by practicing with a dildo. This should help eliminate most of the pain of insertion when it comes to intercourse. It will also relieve a lot of anxiety, as you will already know what to expect from penetration and be familiar with how it feels. Having an idea of what to expect from penetration will help greatly with your comfort level, as the unknown leads to fear, fear leads to tension, tension leads to difficulty relaxing, and difficulty relaxing leads to pain.

· Guys can practice stamina and control by masturbating and stopping just short of ejaculation.

· Guys can prepare themselves by becoming comfortable with their penis. Guys frequently worry about the size of their penis. “Am I big enough to please her?” 90% of penises fall between 5-7 inches. And don’t worry if you are just outside of this range. 10% of us are a bit under or a bit over that range. The vagina is quite elastic and is capable of stretching to accommodate a larger penis, or shape itself to pleasure a smaller one. Size has very little to do with your ability as a lover. You’d do better to focus on things such as your character, your sensitivity, your chivalry, your openness, your willingness, your ability to love, and your ability to feel. These are MUCH more important than the size of your penis.

· Have lubrication ready. Lube can be a very important part of making first intercourse enjoyable. It will make penetration easier and more comfortable. Get a water-based lube, as they are condom compatible. Oil-based lubes can break down the latex in condom. You can find water based lubes in many pharmacies, drug stores, or grocery stores.

· Choose a place where you will feel comfortable, safe, and dignified. Your bedroom or a nice hotel room is a good choice. The backseat of your yellow 1972 Ford Maverick isn’t a great choice for your first time. You have plenty of time to be adventurous and spontaneous with locations for sex later. For your first time, comfort is a big plus.

· Choose a time when you have plenty of time and will not be interrupted. Make love like you have all the time in the world. You don’t want to feel rushed. Give yourselves a lot of time to have sex for the first time. Try to arrange an entire weekend to spend together, if that’s possible. Otherwise, try to arrange at least one whole day and the night.

· Prepare an overnight bag with the items you need. Be sure to bring condoms and lubrication. Some mood setting items would be great, also. Perhaps some candles, a CD of your favorite love songs, some incense, and some sexy underwear. Your favorite pillow or bathrobe might be great, also. Bring some Kleenex or a towel for cleanup purposes.

· Don’t eat too much before you have sex, although eating a little may help ease your stomach jitters. Avoid eating a heavy meal, as that can make you tired and groggy.

· Be in the right frame of mind before having sex. Having your first experience while under the influence of drugs or alcohol is a terrible idea. They may lessen your inhibitions and help you relax, but they also lesson the memories of the event, cloud your judgment, and can cause performance difficulties. That’s NOT the way you’ll want to remember your first time years from now.

WHAT TO EXPECT
What should you expect for your first time? A plethora of emotions. Worry, anxiety, uncertainty, fear of the unknown, physical and emotional pain and pleasure, and some degree of disappointment are all pretty common. You will likely not have the best sex of your life right from the beginning, so don’t put pressure on yourself or your partner. Go into the act with a sense of adventure and maybe more importantly, a sense of humor.

How do you imagine your first time? Are your expectations realistic? In a survey of nearly 15,000 teens from the February 2000 issue of YM magazine, they compare the expectations that virgins have about sex to the reality of what non-virgins say sex is really like. Take a close look at these. Do you notice any patterns of unrealistic expectations?

· 67% of virgins think their first time will be romantic.
29% of non-virgins said their first experience was romantic.

· 59% of virgins think it will be a loving experience that will bring them closer to their partner.
30% of non-virgins said it was a loving experience that brought them closer to their partner.

· 56% of virgins think their first time will be fun and exciting.
44% of non-virgins said their first time was fun and exciting.

· 42% of virgins think their first time will be sexually satisfying.
34% of non-virgins said their first time was sexually satisfying.

· 17% of virgins think their first time will be scary and stressful.
27% of non-virgins said their first time was scary and stressful.

· 15% of virgins think their first time will be gross and painful.
22% of non-virgins said their first time was gross and painful.

· 14% of males and 60% of females said that they did not enjoy sex the first time.
(This last statistic did not come from the YM survey.)

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW AND WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT FROM THE ACT ITSELF

· When it comes time to make love, be sure to limit your interruptions, so you can focus solely on each other. Take the telephone off the hook, turn the answering machine volume down, turn off cell phones and pagers, and if you are in a hotel room, put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door.

· Set the mood. Light some candles, put on some soft music, and light some incense. This will help you get comfortable, relaxed, and aroused.

· Lighting one or more candles will also help make sure the room is light enough that you can see what you are doing. While you may not want all of the lights on while you make love, having a little light so you can see what you are doing will be a big plus.

· Understand and accept that no matter how much planning you do, your first time will not likely go as planned. That’s normal. As long as you are ready and you care for your partner, you should enjoy the experience, no matter what happens. Just keep in mind that it won’t be perfect.

· If you are like the rest of us, you will be a little nervous, scared, anxious, and excited - all at once. That’s normal and it’s ok! Try to focus on relaxing as much as you can.

· Continue to help your body and your mind prepare for sex by engaging in lots of foreplay. If you are ready for intercourse together, you have probably already done a lot of kissing and touching before. Well, don’t stop now. Lots of touching and kissing will help get you (and your body) ready for intercourse.

· The more comfortable you are being nude around your partner, the better your experience will be, also. If you are spending too much time worrying about how you look or where your partner’s eyes are wandering, it could make you tense up. As we’ve already learned, the less tense you are, the better.

· Learn how to give a good massage. This will help your partner relax even further. Guys, keep in mind that most women are normally a lot more receptive to light touches and soft caressing than groping her roughly, like an ogre. Spend some time touching her body all over, without touching her nipples, her vagina, or her clitoris. This will arouse her greatly, helps to build anticipation, and increase her readiness to receive your penis.

· Engage in some oral and manual sex, further readying your bodies for penetration. Try spending quite a bit of time on touching, kissing each other, manual sex, and oral sex before penetration. The more time you spend, the more prepared your bodies will be.

· If you just end up touching, holding each other, hugging, kissing, and performing oral sex on each other the first night, that would be a great beginning. You don’t have to rush to the intercourse.

· You may want to give each other an orgasm before you get to the penetration. Orgasms release hormones which will help the lady’s body relax. This should make penetration easier for her. It doesn’t matter how you each get your orgasm. Give one to each other or watch each other masturbate to orgasm. This will also help the guy. By getting the first orgasm out of the way, he will be less likely to orgasm quickly during intercourse.

· Time to put on the condom! Condom use can reduce sensation somewhat, but that may be a good thing. A condom can help him slow down a bit and help with the premature ejaculations that young, excited, inexperienced guys are susceptible to. A condom can also help each of you relax, especially if you are worried about an unwanted pregnancy or STDs (and you should be concerned about these things). You CAN get pregnant and you CAN acquire an STD your first time!

· When you are ready for penetration, apply a liberal amount of lubricant to her vulva and his penis. Just as men sometimes have trouble maintaining an erection due to nervousness, ladies sometimes have a problem getting wet due to the same reason. Lubrication will make penetration easier and more comfortable for both of you. Use a water based lube, so it will be condom compatible. Lube will help ease the pain of insertion into the vagina, but it may not eliminate it completely.

· You may be worried about which sexual position(s) to use. Experimenting with positions may not be the best idea for your first time. You already have enough pressure on you. Find one that you think will work best for you and stick with it for now. There will be plenty of time for experimenting with sexual positions later. I would suggest missionary position or woman-on-top.

· Guys, your penis, which has, up to this point, worked infallibly for many years, may suddenly go limp when it comes time to have sex for the first time, due to your nervousness. This is quite common among those new to sex. If that happens to you, don’t sweat it. Just relax. Move on to some touching and kissing. Try to forget about your anxiousness and if your erection comes back, great! If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Don’t worry about it. You can try again later that day, the next day, or some other day. If you have chosen your partner wisely, she will understand your nervousness and won’t make it a big deal. Remember, it’s very probable that she is nervous, also.

· Ladies, if your man has trouble achieving or maintaining his erection, be supportive. This is one of the most embarrassing things that can happen, in his eyes. It happened because he is nervous and excited, not because you don’t turn him on sufficiently. Please be gentle and understanding. If he thinks you are disappointed or hurt, this can cause a big problem. The more your man starts worrying about his erection, the harder it will be to achieve it and keep it up.

· Initial penetration isn’t as easy as you may think. You can probably expect a little bit of poking and prodding. Don’t panic.

· Some guys that are unfamiliar with female anatomy may be worried about trying to insert their penis into her urinary opening by mistake. Don’t worry about that. That isn’t possible. The urinary opening is very small and may not even be noticeable at all. Your penis would never fit in there, I promise.

· During vaginal penetration, her hymen may need to be broken. The hymen is a thin membrane that covers the opening to the vagina. This could be uncomfortable for her and challenging for him. It may also cause a little bleeding

· Around 50% of women experience some bleeding the first time (or the first couple times) they have intercourse.

· An alternative technique for insertion, if the guy can manage it, is to push his soft penis into her vagina with his finger and let it grow slowly erect while inside her. This will produce a gradual stretching of the vagina rather than a sudden opening during traditional penetration.

· If you choose the more traditional method of insertion, where the penis is erect before insertion into the vagina, then just go slow and be gentle during the insertion and be sure to communicate with each other. If it hurts, try adding more lube. If that doesn’t work, then back off and try again later after some more foreplay and after she has had some more time to relax. Getting the initial penetration over with in one big, fast, deep thrust is normally not a good idea and probably won’t make it better. It may even cause sharp pain.

· During insertion, the lady will feel pressure and stretching in her vagina. Insertion and intercourse may be physically painful for her. Some women experience moderate to high levels of pain, while others experience little or no pain at all. Penetration can be made more difficult by her inability to relax, due to nervousness, fear, and anxiety. If she is extra nervous, her vagina can cramp up, going into spasms, clenching it up tightly. This can make penetration very difficult to impossible. If this happens, stop trying to insert the penis. Relax and touch each other in an attempt to calm your nerves. She can greatly reduce the risk of this happening if she practices penetrating her vagina with a dildo before the big event with her man. She can get used to the way the dildo feels inside her and she will not only help herself get over the physical pain of insertion, but also the fear of the unknown, as she will already know what penetration feel like.

· Once the penis is inside the vagina, then begin slow, light thrusting. Again, communication is key. Ask how she is doing.

· As for the depth, should you thrust all the way in, or just part way? This is up to the two of you. Neither is the right way or the wrong way. There are no steadfast rules concerning intercourse, remember? As long as you are communication with each other, try whatever feels best for you both.

· Many people worry about the proper rhythm to use. Don’t worry about that for now, either. Developing a good rhythm takes practice and requires that you move in accordance with how your partner moves (like dancing, remember). Generally speaking, slower strokes are used in the beginning and as the situation (and the pleasure) progresses, faster strokes are used. If you are rhythmically challenged, then try turning on some soft music while you make love and move to the beat. That should help you get going. Consistent, rhythmic strokes give her the best chance at orgasm.

· You each reserve the right to stop the action whenever you want and for whatever reason you want. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t started yet, have just started, or are well under way. Maybe you are having second thoughts. Maybe you are too nervous. Maybe something about the situation is uncomfortable for you. If your partner needs to stop - for a second or for good - be supportive. Don’t blame them or make them feel guilty. Talk about why they need to stop and work on solving the problem.

· Go slow. Take your time. There’s no hurry. Intentionally rushing through intercourse sends a selfish message to your partner that you don’t value their experience. Guys can generally experience very intense feelings after just a few seconds of intercourse. It doesn’t necessarily work this way for the ladies, though. It usually takes a lot longer for ladies to reach the same level of arousal as the guys. Take your time so you both experience high levels of pleasure.

· The first time can be painful for guys, too, but our pain is usually more on an emotional level and comes from not being nearly as studly in bed as we thought we would be. We may not have given our lady an orgasm like we thought we should have, we may have lost control of our erection, or maybe we were finished before we even started - or just shortly after. Most men admit that their first time is often very fast and very clumsy. It’s very common, so don’t be too hard on yourself!

· Intercourse can be very pleasurable. If either of you is worried, anxious, or distracted, you could be detracting from the physical and emotional pleasure of intercourse. So again, try to relax. If you can relax to the point where you are even excited and turned on, there’s no limit to the pleasure you may feel during intercourse. You may even have one or more orgasms.

· Some guys (especially younger, more inexperienced guys) tend to cum faster than either of you would probably like. The initial act of intercourse may only last for a minute or two. Cumming quickly when you are new to intercourse is very normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Just keep practicing. If he climaxes before either of you wanted him to, then take a break. Engage in some manual or oral sex. Focus your attention on pleasuring her for awhile. Take a nap and then try again. The second time around, he should be much more relaxed and ready to take his time. It normally takes longer to orgasm the second time around.

· Make sure you take good care of your partner during this experience. You want them to look forward to making love with you again in the future, right? Be kind, loving, and considerate. These are the things that REALLY matter. All of the physical stuff will improve in time.

· Communicate with your partner. Ask how they are doing and let them know how you are doing. Do you need them to slow down? Do you need to take a break for a second? Is what your partner doing to you right now really working for you? Let them know! Be sure to communicate!

· Less than 8% of ladies have an orgasm during their first time. Again, this can be due to the inability to relax and be in the moment. Great sex is not only about what’s happening on the outside, but also very much about what’s happening inside your head. If you are worried or anxious, you are not in the best orgasmic-producing state of mind. I should also note that only around 30% of women can climax from penetration alone, anyway, even when they are very experienced. Most ladies require clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, so manual stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse gives you a better chance for orgasm. And ladies, if you are one of the lucky few who can orgasm from penetration alone, if you are with a very inexperienced guy, he may not be able to last long enough to allow you to reach orgasm.

· People often wonder about simultaneous orgasms, also. While it is certainly possible, let me tell you a secret. It’s not likely - and not just because it’s your first time. Even with most experienced couples, simultaneous orgasms are the exception rather than the norm, so don’t worry about that.

· Once you have an orgasm, guys, grab your penis, holding the condom in place and pull out slowly. You don’t have to do this immediately, but don’t take very long to do it, as shrinkage can cause your semen to leak out or cause the condom to slip off inside her, defeating the purpose for having the condom in the first place.

· You don’t have to rush to the shower immediately after sex, but having some Kleenex or a towel handy for cleanup purposes is probably a good idea.

· “What’s the big fuss?” That’s a pretty common thought that might go through your head afterwards, as well. Most likely because you’ve built sex up so high in your mind that it couldn’t possibly ever live up to your expectations.

· If you are a bit disappointed with sex, that’s pretty common, too. Let me tell you another little secret. It DEFINITELY gets better with time and practice.

· Communication is vital in any relationship, and a sexual relationship is certainly no exception. No matter whether it was a hot session full of passion or a clumsy, embarrassing experience, when it’s over, talk to your partner about what happened. Downplay the stuff that went wrong and highlight the things that went well. Even if you don’t have this conversation right away, be sure to have it. What was your experience like? What surprised you? What turned you on? If you can’t talk openly and honestly with your partner, then you might not be ready to have sex with them.

· Have you ever heard people refer to the smell of sex? Well, it does have its own distinct, fragrant scent. It’s probably different than anything you have ever had the pleasure of smelling before. Just be ready for it, so it doesn’t surprise you. It’s completely normal and many people love to bask in the scent.

· You might notice some blood on the sheets afterwards. Many women experience a little bit of bleeding after their first time, or first few times. It shouldn’t be too much and it shouldn’t last very long. Some women experience no bleeding at all.

· Women may experience a little bit of tenderness or be a little sore afterwards - maybe even the next day. That shouldn’t last too long, either, and again, it doesn’t apply to all women.

· You will likely feel different about yourself and your partner after this experience, and not necessarily in a bad way. This is a major event in one’s life. You will remember the experience and this person forever, even if things don’t work out between the two of you. It’s a life-changing event, so it stands to reason that you may feel a little differently afterwards.

· Many people mistakenly believe that having sex will suddenly make you feel like a real man or a real woman. Well…while that thought may cross your mind, it doesn’t really happen that way. I believe being a real man or a real woman comes from other aspects of your life, not whether you’ve had sex or not.

· You may have regrets after your first time. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have done it. You have just lost your virginity. You have given away a part of yourself. It’s normal to mourn that loss.

· No bragging to friends afterwards about what happened. This is a private, personal issue between you and your partner. The details shouldn’t be spread around the gossip mill.

· Have fun! Sex doesn’t have to be a serious thing. It’s ok to laugh. It’s ok to goof off. It’s ok to do it over and over again!

· Now that it’s over with, you may already be thinking about trying it again. Well, don’t let me stop you. What are you waiting for? Practice makes perfect. Some people start to feel guilty that they are actually craving sex. Don’t feel guilty. It’s perfectly normal to be excited and anxious to do it again. After all, you have just uncovered a whole new world. Explore it!

TIPS FOR SLEEPING WITH A VIRGIN
This section is for the non-virgins who will be sleeping with a virgin. I think sleeping with a virgin is an honor and a privilege. I don’t take this subject lightly, and I hope you don’t either. The way I see it, you are entrusted with a very special job and you have the responsibility to make sure your partner (the virgin) has the very best experience possible. You will set the tone for their first sexual experiences. If you make sure they have a good first experience, then they will be optimistic about their sexual future. If you are inconsiderate, selfish, and rough, you could really set them back, sexually. Here are some tips I hope you’ll consider.

Beforehand:

· Ask how they have always imagined their first time. Then try to do whatever you can to recreate that for them. Remember that this is THEIR special day. Try to do everything you can to accommodate them.

· Take the pressure off of them. Tell them that they have no responsibility for making this work - that’s your job. Tell them to just enjoy it - that’s their job.

· Ask them about their expectations and their concerns. Try to answer any questions they have.

During:

· Many of us are a little self-conscious when we are naked. Compliment something specific about your partner’s body to help them relax. The more relaxed they are and the less worried they are about the way their body looks, the more they will enjoy the experience.

· Take charge, unless they instinctively do so. If they do that, then direct them. If not, then you make the first moves to undress, to kiss, etc…

· Communicate! Let them know what they can expect next. Talk to them in a calm, confident, and reassuring voice. Make sure they are enjoying themselves. Be sure you tell them that you are enjoying it, too.

· Give specific positive reinforcement to your partner. “I love the way you are touching me right now!”

· Be supportive. Forget about constructive criticism for now. There will be plenty of time for that later. Right now, just make sure they are relaxed and having a great time. Make sure they believe that nothing can go wrong in your eyes.

· If something does go wrong, minimize it. Let them know that it’s normal for things to go wrong. Tell them you can’t wait to practice some more with them!

· If your virgin is a guy and he cums too fast, tell him that the first time just takes the edge off and he will be able to relax more and enjoy it the next time for even longer. If he can’t achieve or maintain an erection, tell him that he must just be too nervous right now. That’s normal. Reassure him that you’ll try again soon. In the meantime, tell him he has a wonderful opportunity to learn more about your body and what pleases you. Then give him a tutorial. Show him all around your body. Turn on the lights and let him touch you and look wherever he wants. This is one of the best things you could ever do for your partner, I believe.

Afterwards:

· Let your partner know how wonderful the experience was for you.

· Tell them that you can’t wait to make love to them again.

· Talk to them about what happened. Make sure they are comfortable and have all of their questions answered.

· Stay with them afterwards. Spend the night at the very least. This is an important happening in their life. Celebrate it and enjoy it with them. Don’t leave them alone.

CONCLUSION
Lovemaking can be an incredible way to physically express your feelings for your partner. It can be a fantastic physical and emotional experience as long as you are ready for it and you take it at face value rather than over-romanticizing it or expecting too much from it.

Just remember that you are in the same boat that all of us have been in at one time or another. It’s normal not to know exactly what to do or what to expect from first-time sex. But people have been having sex for ages. They all figured it out - and you will, too. Just relax, take it slow, and don’t worry about what goes wrong. Even when things do go wrong, your first experience with sex can still be positive, exciting, pleasurable, meaningful, and fulfilling. Just be sure to keep a sense of humor and a heart of compassion for yourself and for your partner and you’ll be off to a good start.

Keep in mind that love, trust, and respect are of far more importance to the success of your experience than the prior experience level of either partner. Once you get past your first few times, you will become more comfortable and you will really begin to enjoy all of the pleasures that lovemaking has to offer. Sex gets better with practice, and let me tell you - practicing can be a lot of fun!