I personally never watched the program, but I can’t imaging why I would want to. Seeing people intentionally put their relationships on the line does not sound like a lot of fun to me. And yet, I see it every day. Every time I turn on my computer - which is more often than it should be - I see relationships forming, changing, and ending. It’s one of the observations that not everyone pays attention to. I sometimes wonder if those relationships are an enhancement or harmful to our way of life?

I do admit that I’ve made my share of friends because of the internet. Good friends. Solid friends. People in different countries, or on the other side of the one I live in. People that if it were not for the net, I never would have gotten to know. People I know that I can count on for friendship and advice. People that I know if I really needed help with something, I know they’ll be there to do whatever it is that they can. I have also had those relationships that have developed beyond the friendship stage, and yes, I’ve fallen in love.

How can a person fall in love with a bunch of words? When all you know are the words you read, how can love develop out of that? I’m not a genius, and I don’t have all the answers, but I know it can, and does happen. Some may say that because of the anonymity of the internet, you actually don’t ‘know’ these people, but I tend to argue just the opposite. That same anonymity that can hide facts from me, also gives the other person the freedom to be more honest with me, and that in turn allows me to better get to know the real person behind the words.

This internet world is full of people who are missing something in their lives, be it companionship, love, or just plain old excitement. Because we all desire to fill our needs, we’re more prone to see in another person what you think you need in your life. A new relationship starts as a blank slate that you start to fill in with what you learn through correspondence. But no one can simply leave the slate blank. You make assumptions about the other person. What they say about themselves or how they say it can change your initial impression or limit the scope of future assumptions, but the instinct is strong to see a complete person on the other side of the computer, even if you have to invent the image out of your own aspirations. Eventually, you learn more and the image becomes more accurate, if you allow new information to take the place of old assumptions. When you go into it knowing what you’re looking for, it makes things easier. The freedom to be honest leads to a level of trust, respect, integrity, and responsibility. And over time, a friendship can develop all those things that are necessary to build a relationship.

While we cannot be responsible for the actions of others, we can be held accountable for our own actions. WE choose what information about ourselves that we want to share. WE choose what information about others that we want to believe. WE decide just how much we want to become involved with others. And WE decide when the relationship is not working for ourselves and when to end that relationship.

I’ve said in the past that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Be that in our real everyday life, or on the net. And when that reason is fulfilled, it is time for them to move on. Is ending an on-line relationship just as easy as ending a real life relationship? In the mechanics of the action, it’s sometimes even easier. Some people just go away. Some refuse to answer emails, and delete you from their Buddy list. But in the emotional sense, I think it’s harder. You find yourself wondering. Wondering what they’re doing. Wondering if they ever think about you. Wondering if they’ve moved on to work their magic on someone else. Wondering what you did wrong - was it that I wasn’t honest enough? Was it that I don’t meet their expectations? Wondering if you’ll ever get involved with someone on-line again. Wondering if your next real life relationship is going to turn out the same way.

And it may. But then again, it may not. The next on-line relationship may end up to be the love of your life. You could find your true soul mate just one click away. It boils down to taking a chance. We all take chances with our hearts. Honesty is a leader that will guide you, along with intuition. Honesty with yourself, and honesty to others will take you to the place you need to be.

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